Not too bad!

The visit was quite good actually! For the first time since the 'fallout' I felt like I wanted to move back home! Staying with MIL was actually ok, and if it wasn't for the smoke I could stay anytime! By the end of the visit, I think I was getting accustomed to it and didn't smell it as much, until I got home and the car/clothes/we wreaked! Two days later and everything is smoke free!

My sisters new man seems very nice, they are quite suited. Think he will be good for her which is what she needs after her troubles. It was great to see my nephew and niece's again, they are growing up fast! My nephew is now 9 months and walking round furniture! Seemed a bit shell shocked when we all got together...5 rowdy kids running riot! My new niece - 5 months, just smiles and giggles so much! She was fine with being passed about, and just laughed at me (is that a good thing?!) and was so happy, much like my little one was, and her older sister is a case! She made me a lovely card, bless her. I think I left it though! How bad am I :(

Saw mum, couple of days only as she went away on the Friday. She seems a lot more settled, had a nice chat with her where she admits she doesn't know/think it is going to work with her and dad, but is giving it a try. We even talked about how she would do if it didn't, and she said she would stay in grandad's flat, which was left to my dad, and he would move out, as he couldn't like there on his own, too much for him. So I am not so worried about her. She has her gripes still but then I suppose there has to be something to complain about!

As for me, I am feeling a bit more 'level', no vicious mood swings lately, though have snapped at the kids a couple of times...still waiting to come on, so that could be that, or just being overtired and stressed?! Saw the doc again about little ones rash, he says it is a viral infection that has brought out eczema, given me a different cream for her body, one for her nappy rash, a cream to use as a soap, and we have to stop using bath foam/soaps etc and some antibiotics.... So two weeks on and the rash is practically gone now on her body, still a bit on her bum but not half as bad as it was. I attempted the antibiotics, but no matter how disguised - in a drink, in ice cream, just on a spoon, and in a syringe, it just would not go down! She spat it back out! So gave up on them, and as the rash is doing ok, I won't bother. I must make a followup appointment, should have seen him last week!

Think that is all my news, apart from the near disaster with the ball gown I got for a Gala last Friday! Ordered of Ebay, size 18-20, great! Got it, tried it on - very tight, used miracle underwear, still tight but got it zipped and felt ok. So come Friday, about 2 weeks later, I get all done up, put my hair in curlers, do my makeup, put on miracle underwear etc, and come to zip up my dress.... zzzzzppppppp..... it has come apart and there is a gaping hole! ARRRGGGGHHH!
Get it off, manage to get the zip back to the bottom and in sequence and try again with hubby's help ('Hate to tell you this but this dress is too small' - his contribution!) Managed to get it up, and I am able to sit down in it! So I go with it, and pray that it doesn't gape open again half way through dinner! I sat formulating a plan for if this happened, and I came up with pinning the shawl with the rosette that came with it to close the top and drape over the hole! Ingenious! Thankfully I didn't need to resort to such measures, but I had a horrible back ache throughout dinner, think I was too corseted! Also at MIL week before I put on 2 1/2 lb so that didn't help! Oh well, it is going to my sister for new years!

long time no blog....again!

Well, quick updates as I havn't been on for almost 3 weeks!

Chop worked so I am now off the pill (hurrah!) and my body is adjusting...had a mini period few days after and I am now grumpy, spotty and had a few headaches the last few days so expecting more soon :( Hopefully then that will be the start of my routine.

Still feeling a little off, though have had a few days when I felt 'human' again. maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel?

My little girl has had an allergic reaction to something, don't know what, and come out in a rash all over her body. I was up last Tuesday night until 6am trying to stop her scratching and settle her. Saw the doc who gave piriton, and they told me it would knock her out...fat chance! She is so full of energy! After waking the next night at 3am for a couple of hours scratching, I went to the chemist to see if they had any advice, not much except to find out what the reaction is to, and gave some E45 Itch relief cream to help alongside the piriton. So far, it has helped a little, well a lot to say we weren't getting much sleep and she now goes through from 10pm til 8-9am these last couple of days! I am taking her back to the docs this afternoon as the rash doesn't seem to be going and it looks awful on her lower body, all blistering. Poor thing. She had a bad nappy rash the week before this and ended up seeing the doc for that too as the usual nappy creams didn't do anything. He gave me some canisten cream for it, which helped at first but now she is red raw poor mite. Doc said that the reaction wouldn't have been to the Canisten as it would only affect the area I put it on. So back to the drawing board....

Off to visit family tomorrow, staying for 5 days with mother-in-law. Will report on how it when when we get home! Shouldn't be too bad, just feel like I am in a strangers house, rather than when I stayed at mums when I felt I could do anything if you get my meaning. She smokes too so come home reeking of smoke! Wonder why I wash whilst there as it doesn't get rid of the stench! Looking forward to seeing my sisters and brother and mum, and my sisters new live-in boyfriend! watch this space!

Right, off to sort out my mountain of washing and clean up and pack!

Still not feeling 'me'

Don't know what it is...

Just wonder if this is how I will feel forever now. Grumpy, tired, fed up, hormonal, one minute emotional, next there is nothing there.

Hubby did his 'specimen' today to see if the chop worked...here's hoping then I can get off the pill and get back to routine and maybe that will help stabilise the hormones!

Well, not much else to report, pretty boring week. Done some scrapbooking, catching up on last years holiday! Still got loads to do, it's just getting the time to do it, and feeling the inspiration when I have the time instead of being too tired to be creative. May do some this afternoon when little miss has a nap...

Need to go shopping...fridge is almost bare, and I have nothing in for tea...

2%

Yep, I was wrong.

Why does my crazy brain get a fleeting crazy notion, and decide to run with it, make me go insane thinking about all the possibilities, and take me a week to ask about it? Why? hubby is right, I am insane! And I really need to get my head sorted and not go off at tangents, and learn to speak up!

It's mad, sometimes I am the bravest, speak my mind woman, then others I daren't say boo to a goose. Hormones have a say in what kind of woman I am, brave or scared. Hubby needs to get his swimmers, or hopefully lack of them, checked and I can get of this darn stupid pill and get back to routine, and then hopefully manage my moods, migraines and everything else that comes along...

Hubby is off in France for a couple of days, another freebie, tasting great food and drinking fine wine, touring 101 places in 48 hours! I don't mind, but he worries that I am left on my own with the kids for 3 days! I don't know why he worries, I mean, 2 kids, 3 days, no help, not a problem. It's not like I am a single mum, or have a husband who works away for months on end. And I am kind of used to doing most things by myself anyway, as he works so many hours. It's no big deal. Just wish he wouldn't worry and feel guilty for getting a break!

Nothing much else is happening...except I am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight! Only taken me 21 months, though I did only start in November last year, so really it's 1o months...not bad considering they say it takes you 9 months to gain it so don't expect to loose it any quicker. Now it's down to the serious, proper weight loss! I WILL be a size 16 again...and go on to maybe a 14 or even a 12! To think when I started I worked out in my naivety that I would be a 16 by this summer...gone, and I am only now a 20/18 in some clothes...I think it is going to take me a lot longer than I thought! Going on it taking me 10 months to loose 2 1/2 stone, and I still have just under 5 to loose, I think I am looking at summer 2010....

Another essay!

I really shouldn't leave it so long beteen posts!

The fridge freezer got fixed, it was water on the electrics, that we had to dry out by disconnecting the earth wire, plugging it in for 24 hours to dry it out, and reconnect the wire. YAY....nope. The fridge is freezing the food....arggggggghhhhh! So, after 3 emails to the guy, and contacting whirlpool to arrange an engineer after no response, we get a response! I do a bit of diy with his directions, and we find out it is the vent from the freezer that lets the cold air into the fridge, it has got condensation on the electrics and isn't closing...so he is sending the part and hubby is going to fit it in today, with instructions via telephone! Hay hum, here's hoping that's the end of our fridge freezer troubles! Which reminds me, I must cancel the engineer...

The problem of who to move into our flat has been sorted, my sister and brother-in-law want to move back! We have agreed to forgo the first months rent so they can re-carpet (or rather put laminate down) the front room, decorate and generally spruce it up and they move in next month in half term.

Mum is going off the rails slightly, a bit worried about her. But then, just feel too numb/unable to help. :(

It was our 7th wedding anniversary on Monday. Normally I am so excited, but I couldn't get excited. Don't know why, or do I? I don't know if I am getting more depressed, or what. I don't want to do anything again. I wish I could get a killer disease...that is my latest thought. Not good eh? Do I go back and see about another tablet increase? I don't know if I can be bothered.
I just want to sleep a lot.

I saw my sons teacher yesterday, after they sent him home with spellings...he doesn't even know his whole alphabet yet! She was really nice, said she is aware and monitoring the situation, that everyone got spellings, but they know how things lay at the moment. I mentioned the dyslexia again, and she seems to agree, though they are waiting to half term, and if there is no improvement, will look at where we go from here. Difficult when he is only 5 and a half. Hubby just puts it down to him being lazy. It really upsets me and him I think. I don't want him to be labeled that way, his teacher says he has a wonderful imagination, and his drawings are excellent...all indications of dyslexia. I just hope hubby accepts it if it is that, and if he is lazy, I can accept that too.

I think hubby lied to me at the weekend. I am 98% certain of it. It's not a major lie. But it is effecting me. I want to confront the situation, but I could still be wrong - 2%. And it would be an argument I don't know if I could handle right now. I wanted to raise it since, but there hasn't been a time to. Our Anniversary meal, at home with the kids who refused to sleep that night, as they do most nights really, was a shambles. I cooked a meal, lit candles, set the table, put a music channel on....Hubby gets home just after 8pm, kids come downstairs ' daddy daddy!' and bang goes any chance of talking. Go into the kitchen to cook the dinner and he changed the tv to a film...So after getting the kids into bed half way through our meal, he was engrossed in it whilst eating... I just gave in there and then. After pudding, I took little one to bed, as she had come back down stairs, and got into bed with her to get her off to sleep. Went downstairs and he was falling asleep, so we came to bed.

Well, think that is all. Weight loss is going very slowly, 1/2 lb a week, and I put on 1lb this week. Still, have lost 2 1/2 stone since November last year. I will stick to it....

Not much to report

All quiet on the western front....until I get started!

Mum came down for just over a week last week, which was nice. We sort of skirted the issues, a bit like the huge white elephant in the room no one wants to bring up. She was all lovey dovey on the phone, which made me a bit sick, but then thought, they have got 35+ years together so I suppose they can just sweep things under the carpet that easily.

They have decided to move out of our flat and into my grandads/now dads flat. So they have given me notice... don't know what we are going to do there yet. Hubby has a 2nd interview down south, so we might be moving further away! So just leaving it for now until we know which way we are going.

Bought a new fridge freezer of ebay, one of those 'without packaging, graded, in full working order but may have a scratch/dent here and there' companies. Great bargain, paid £33o + delivery for a £1100 American style fridge freezer! It arrived yesterday, on a pallet, so they couldn't get it through the gate. Hubby came home at lunch time and there was a builder next door doing some work he knows so he helped him maneuver it around the back of the house and in through the back door...after removing the fridge handles, fascia and the back door!!! It won't fit through the inner door into the room we were going to plumb it into, so it is in the back hall, on wheels as there is a small step in the way when you need to open the doors! Anyway, after getting it all sorted, find there are no instructions, so went on the Whirlpool web site, downloaded them and it said to leave it for 2hours before plugging in.

So, come 7pm, we plug it in....BANG! All lights/appliances/plugs fuse off. GREAT! Try a different plug to be sure...BANG. Hubby thinks it could be because they caught the wire under the fridge when lifting it off the pallet...so we cut the cable where he thinks it was, and re-wire a plug to it.... try again...BANG! Not that then! SO, check back with the ebay suppliers, and there policy is that we can return it (at our expense - and it cost £80 delivery!) and they will fix it, or call out an engineer and they will pay for any parts, but not engineer! Not looking good...

I have emailed the guy this morning, asking where we go from here, and see what they come back with. I said I would rather not send it back as it took such an effort to get the damn thing in, and would prefer to get it seen to here....so we are waiting to see the response!

Kids are back to school too ... YAY! He has been in trouble already though and had time out on Friday for pinching! Then there was a note saying they are getting spellings sent home next Friday...WHAT?! He is still struggling with his alphabet?! Think I am going to have to go see his teacher on Tuesday night and see where we go from here. I think he is dyslexic, though they don't test for it until 7 years, so only a year and a half to wait! He is getting a bit defiant too, and not listening to what we tell him, don't know if that is just him or linked to dyslexia? Anyway, he is meant to be tidying his room, it's been over an hour now... given him his last warning that if I have to tell him again to tidy it (he stops and starts) then there will be no going out for pizza tonight! Must go check on the process!

A month!

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I last blogged! Well, I can, I have been too busy with the school holidays, and too tired to be bothered! The last 3 weeks have been pretty up and down, but mainly down. I don't know what has been wrong, just can't seem to shake off the cloud. I think things might be picking up again though... Maybe just took so long for the increased meds to kick in? On stupid cerazette pill too so don't get a regular period, if any, but still have the pmt at random times, and it takes me the week to figure out that is why I feel so crap!

Suffered with a migraine a couple of weeks back for nearly 4 days, so wasn't good, then broke out in spots the week after, then had a headache (stress head!) for 2/3 days after that! No wonder I feel crap! My boobs have been killing too this last week, and after asking my sister do they do that when you ovulate, are due on, or what!? she said are you pregnant?! Since hubby had the chop 2 months back, and I am still on the pill until we get the all clear on that front, I said no, no way! But then when I didn't get any period, and I usually get a little spotting if nothing else, I began to worry! So got a cheap hpt and did it the next day... -ive! PHEW! I know there is no way I could be, but then I still go out and get a hpt to make sure! Am I mad?!

Anyway, we have finally got a loan sorted, just waiting on the cheque clearing...then we can pay of a few debts and relax for a few more months! The kids are doing ok, doing our heads in some times, especially with the added pmt, but they are stars really! Been to the park the last two days, off again today, if the weather stays nice, then a walk to the station to pick up mum who is coming to stay for 10 days. On the mum front, she is back with my dad, or rather he has moved back into the flat, they are going to rent out my grandads. I just said alright when she told me, and she misheard and thought I said 'why?!' and so went a bit defensive, until I said I only said 'alright'. She knows my opinion, so I don't need to tell her again. She has to make her own decisions, just as I make mine. Just have to be there for her. My other siblings don't seem to be. I think they have had enough...and who can blame them. They live so close so get it all, then when she goes off for a while and sends an email saying 'glad you aren't here' to them, I would be a bit peeved too!

Have given up on the counselling. I know what I need to do, so there was no point to carrying on really. It was good to vent I suppose, and know that I was going in the right direction. Resigned myself to staying on meds for quite a while longer. It's been over a year, nearly a year and a half. Maybe I will be on them for the rest of my life? Anyway, they are working, so why give up on them...