After yesterdays rant feel a lot better today. It does help to get it off your chest, even if no one ever sees it! And I am not feeling so ill either which helps.
Been blogging in my brain again at night, and came to the conclusion that I now call my little chats with myself, blogging! Great Eh? Or am I really as mad as that sounds?!
I think I must be someone who craves attention, but I am to scared to say 'HEY Look at ME!', or are we all like that deep down? We do everything for everyone else, and help everyone but when we need the help we don't speak up....
Anyway, I am waffling on about silly rubbish that no one ever gets to see...why do I do it? Answer, because it does help, just a little, to know that maybe one day I will look back on it and realise where I went wrong, or right, and maybe, just maybe someone will start to read my blog and not feel alone....
Ok, enough said, off to make bread....
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Saturday, 24 November 2007
Friday, 19 October 2007
Don't have much to say....until I start....
After posting one of my secrets I am petrified that my other half is going to find out and divorce me...either that or lock me up for being insane!
Then I worry that this is a problem, as surly I should be able to share these things with him? But I find I cannot...scared that he will think he married a crazy woman and ask for a divorce, and I am even more scared that I wouldn't be bothered...
Why am I soo messed up?
On another note, we had our son's first Parent/Teacher evening last night. He is where they expect him to be for his age, but has a problem following orders, say they ask him to do a..b..c, he will go c, a, where am I? His dad has told him he has to listen to his teacher and do as she says...'are you listening?' Poor boy, my heart went out to him watching him squirm on his chair...But when he was praised for the good things he is doing, he got a 'well done, see you can do things right.' I am a little worried that being too harsh on him will only turn him into some kind of messed up child who thinks he can never do good enough for his parents, and that his best is never enough... maybe I am being oversensitive? In the school holidays I am going to try and sit him down for a short time each day and work on his letters and writing...
Then I worry that this is a problem, as surly I should be able to share these things with him? But I find I cannot...scared that he will think he married a crazy woman and ask for a divorce, and I am even more scared that I wouldn't be bothered...
Why am I soo messed up?
On another note, we had our son's first Parent/Teacher evening last night. He is where they expect him to be for his age, but has a problem following orders, say they ask him to do a..b..c, he will go c, a, where am I? His dad has told him he has to listen to his teacher and do as she says...'are you listening?' Poor boy, my heart went out to him watching him squirm on his chair...But when he was praised for the good things he is doing, he got a 'well done, see you can do things right.' I am a little worried that being too harsh on him will only turn him into some kind of messed up child who thinks he can never do good enough for his parents, and that his best is never enough... maybe I am being oversensitive? In the school holidays I am going to try and sit him down for a short time each day and work on his letters and writing...
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Blogging in my brain....
So, after switching the computer off last night and going to bed, I begin to blog again in my brain...1.06am...why did I switch the computer off?!!
I contemplate getting out of bed and switching it back on to get it all down, then worry that my other half will walk in in the middle of my blog and cart me off the the funny farm...'proof she is a mad woman!' would be the cries.
Not wanting to chance it, I find some paper and jot down my thoughts.....
Why is it I have a mad urge to clean my house? Seriously, I am rearranging the furniture downstairs, putting the mountain that is my sons toys stashed behind the sofa away in neat boxes, never to be played with again - ok, for months - and do a mental floor plan - one sofa hear, other there, could I get away with moving the display cabinet (which I hate but is inherited), table there, playpen there, kids toys here....on it goes. My mind is all up for it, shame my body wasn't as willing! Though I think the thing that really clinched it was it is probably not a great idea to start vacuuming the house at 1am in the morning, not good for neighbourly relations! Otherwise, I think my brain might have won the battle!
This was all started (the conversation with myself...) with the idea of talking to strangers, them asking me a question and me staring back as if they had asked me to slap them round the face with a wet fish...where does all this come from???!!
So I fight with my brain telling it to switch off, put down the pen and attempt to sleep....
The last time I looked at the clock it was 3am...then woken by my son at 4.15am, again at 5.30 am, and up for a pee at 6.35, wondering if something awful has happened to my other half due to his absence....
In he strolls through the door at 6.45am, by which time my son is wide awake and ready to play....getting no response from us trying to grab a few seconds more much needed sleep, he decides to turn the light on in the baby's room and wake her up...sigh. No good, have to get up now....
So began my day. And, when I have finished this, I am off to do my floor plan! It's gotta be done!
;)
I contemplate getting out of bed and switching it back on to get it all down, then worry that my other half will walk in in the middle of my blog and cart me off the the funny farm...'proof she is a mad woman!' would be the cries.
Not wanting to chance it, I find some paper and jot down my thoughts.....
Why is it I have a mad urge to clean my house? Seriously, I am rearranging the furniture downstairs, putting the mountain that is my sons toys stashed behind the sofa away in neat boxes, never to be played with again - ok, for months - and do a mental floor plan - one sofa hear, other there, could I get away with moving the display cabinet (which I hate but is inherited), table there, playpen there, kids toys here....on it goes. My mind is all up for it, shame my body wasn't as willing! Though I think the thing that really clinched it was it is probably not a great idea to start vacuuming the house at 1am in the morning, not good for neighbourly relations! Otherwise, I think my brain might have won the battle!
This was all started (the conversation with myself...) with the idea of talking to strangers, them asking me a question and me staring back as if they had asked me to slap them round the face with a wet fish...where does all this come from???!!
So I fight with my brain telling it to switch off, put down the pen and attempt to sleep....
The last time I looked at the clock it was 3am...then woken by my son at 4.15am, again at 5.30 am, and up for a pee at 6.35, wondering if something awful has happened to my other half due to his absence....
In he strolls through the door at 6.45am, by which time my son is wide awake and ready to play....getting no response from us trying to grab a few seconds more much needed sleep, he decides to turn the light on in the baby's room and wake her up...sigh. No good, have to get up now....
So began my day. And, when I have finished this, I am off to do my floor plan! It's gotta be done!
;)
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