'Things can't get any worse'.........

Famous last words. After everything that has been thrown hurled at me this year, I thought I was through with it....oh no.....how wrong was I!



My grandad who lost his wife in March, has stomach cancer. He has been suffering for over a month because when he went into hospital, doubled in pain, they told him it was constipation, and wouldn't do a full scan, despite my mum pointing out that his brother had died from bowel cancer, and sister from stomach cancer. No, they send him on his way, with fybogel and a pat on the back, and tell him to see his doctor if it doesn't get better. Thankfully the doctor arranged the scan, as he knew something wasn't right, as we all suspected.



He is now in a hospice getting his medication sorted. Been given around 3 months. It's inoperable, they could do chemo, but that would just prolong the pain and he just wants rid of the pain. Mum says he is quite ok, says he has had a good life, got to see his grand children and great grandchildren, and that his wife is calling him.



Going home next week to see him. Another reason to wish we were nearer, though they are getting fewer and fewer. The house is also going on the market. Need to sort out our finances, and worry about us and no one else.

Feeling rough

Full of cold and aches....waiting for the lemsip max tablets to kick in and I just want to sleep! Didn't get up until 2.30, had a bit of lunch and decided to take a shower to try and see if it helped.... It did for a while, got the washing sorted and kids organised, then feel rough again. Just came on to check my mail and bits and pieces then I am off to lie down again.

Hubby had the snip yesterday, so he's all 'injured' and spent the rest of the day resting...waited on hand and foot, and seems to have survived ok! Had a shower this afternoon, cleaned it all up and he can't believe how small the hole is! LOL! He's gone off to work for a couple of hours, so we shall see how good he is feeling when he gets back!

Didn't get to go to my counselling last week, she called on the day to cancel it, as her car had been broken into and she had to wait for someone to come fix it. So re-scheduled it to Thursday...nearly said to cancel it, but didn't. Got to give it a go or I will always wonder...

Picked up in the mood stakes from around Thursday, though still had my moments. Obviously with coming down with this darn cold since Saturday it hasn't helped, but I am going to give things a few more weeks and see how it goes.

Managed to lose 1lb this week too, which was a bonus as I expected another gain! Just want to eat all the time recently, it seems like a constant battle to stop myself from shoveling food down my mouth all day! Put it down to stress, and it must have been the way I coped with it! Most days I am winning, but it is a struggle. Oh well, nearly into the 14 stone mark, and half a stone from my pre-pregnancy weight!

Life is like that....

Some times we have lots of time, sometimes we don't....seems like I don't right now.

My Grandma has been diagnosed with womb cancer now. It is just a matter of time....again. I wish she would just fall asleep and never wake up in pain again. My mum has had something confirmed as being wrong, (can't remember the name for it now!) and had a stomach lining infection. She is out and about again.

Had my routine smear test this week....not very plessant. I know it's not at the best of times, but somehow it seemed worse this time round. And now I have to wait 8 weeks for the results...another waiting game.

Life seems full of them!

I have done some crying today, was ill yesterday, and the day before that my 'wonderful desease' decided it hadn't paid a visit for a while so made itself known... Maybe that's why I feel so rough and depressed! Found out I had dropped my meds dose too soon, I should have stayed on the 20mg for another 2 months before dropping to 10mg! Thanks Doc! So back upto 20mg and waiting/praying for the kick-in....

Will try not to leave it so long between posts, getting it out helps....

Yet again it has been a week....

since my last post! How lapse am I! I lost 1.5lb last week, and 1lb this week, so I have now lost my 1st stone! Got my little plastic pebble they give you each time you lose a stone...you get a 'stone'! Nice idea! Don't know what I am going to do with it though!

I am still in quandry with my life. Lots has been happening outside of my problems, which has helped me not to think about mine, or should that be hindered? When I finally got around to thinking about things yesterday I ended up in a heap of tears on the back hall floor. I wanted it to just all go away...but it won't....can't. It has to be faced and dealt with, and unfortunatly it is going to take time...lots of time, and patience.

My brother's wife had their 1st child...a boy, my Grandma is coming to the end of her life with one stroke after another, and my mum is in hospital having different investigative tests for what we are starting to think is phsycosamatic (sp?!) pains in her chest. Don't get me wrong, she has been through cancer and now has epilepsy and diabetes and 101 other things she takes meds for, but it is getting to be a habbit. I hope they find out what is wrong, if there is, or look at getting her some councilling.

Anyway, must go and attempt some normality for a few more hours....

It never rains....

but it pours.

Visiting family over the holidays, my eldest was sick for 3 days, and had diorrea, and on the night we all went out for a family meal, my mum had an accident, tripped up a step and dropped my 1yr old! Thinking she was fine, I took her home and put her to bed, she slept for about an hour then woke and would not settle.

Finally I realised there was something wrong with her leg, so took her to A&E at midnight...examinations, and an xray later, we find she has a broken leg :( finally get a 'back slab' on after giving her morphine and paracetamol and we make it to the children's ward at 5am, when she is wide awake and wants to play!!! Goes to sleep at 6am, and by 10am my other half comes to relive me so I can go get some sleep, as we were told it would be anytime from 1 - 4 pm before she got a pot on and was released, after seeing a pediatrician, due to it being the 2nd time in 7 months she has been into hospital. The 1st time was when I was carrying her at a hotel, down a corridor to breakfast, and some silly idiot thought it would be a good idea to have 2 steps in the middle of a corridor! I went flying, badly sprained my ankle, but thankfully she was ok. She was not so fortunate this time! They were home at 1pm, after getting a pot on at 11.3o and the pediatrician saying there were no worries! So she is dragging her pot very well, her teeth seem to be causing more bother!

Then last night, my other half began writhing in pain at midnight, but refused to go to hospital, saying it would be ok. Still in pain this morning and is due to see the doc any minute. Thinking gallstones or kidney infection....

So it is just me that is well so far! And after two weeks I have managed to loose 3.5lb! Total loss now 9.5lb! Woo hoo! Bought my slim-into dress in the sales, vibrant red! Hung it where I can see it to keep me focused!

Gotta go, baby crying.....

Ill again....

Just seem to get rid of this darn cold when it starts up again! 1st my little one got it then she passed it on to me and her dad....feel rough again. Seems to be nevereneding illness at the moment in this house.

Weightwatchers is going ok, only lost 1lb this week, think going out for two meals and eating MacDonalds while we were with family this weekend may have something to do with it! Hopefully will loose more this week, especially with being ill and not eating much!

My other half looked after the kids yesterday while I 'died' in bed, bless him he tidied up the kitchen, the best way a man can, and did the ironing! Took him the best part of 4 hours!! he did iron towels and underwear though, silly man!! Just got to get all the clean washing upstairs and put away now! Not a great holiday for him though, with us all being ill, and not much getting done. When I feel better it's time for a blitz I think! Front room is begining to look like a bomb site, given the kitchen a quick clean while I had a little relapse in feeling rough, so that isn't too bad, but need to blitz upstairs too.... oh well, it never ends.....

Is it only me....

Or do you have dreams that effect your whole day?

The other night I had an awful dream that seemed so real involving my other half, telling me I was too fat and unattractive and that he was going out to find someone else to sleep with...I woke in the night after this dream and even though I knew it was a dream I physically moved away from him in bed and felt so mad at him! Why is that? I have a few like that, where I get mad at him in my dreams and wake up mad with him in real life and can be cold towards him, yet I know it is nothing he has done. Why are we like this...or is it just crazy old me?

We are all ill now :( Little ones coughing like troopers and don't know what to do with themselves, and we feel like we have been in a boxing match and have a sore throat to boot. My sister is down and had a sick bug yesterday too, so we are all in a sorry state!

One gets better....

And the other gets ill! Now my son is full of cold and fever, just as my baby is finally, it seems, over her sick 'bug'. Poor boy had some bad dreams last night and ended up in our bed. And I woke with a stonking headache, think it is follow-on from Saturday night/Sunday morning migraine...

Not got any other really exciting news, keep thinking of things to blog when I go to bed again, and then forget them in the morning! Typical!

I have been thinking a bit more about my baby's birth, as she will be 1 in about 4 weeks, and I wonder how it will hit me. Remembering what I went through? I suppose I will just have to see when I get there...

Two days down...

And no sick!! YAY! Diorea seems to have gone too. Maybe the end is in sight! Tomorrow we try food again (bar the odd crust and chocolate other half decided she should eat!) so we shall see!

Have you ever tried to get a urine sample from an 11month old girl?! That has been my task tonight, to send in 1st thing in the morning for the doctor to rule out any urine infection that might be causing the sickness. I have tried:

• Sitting on a potty...this only works if they are older and don't almost fall into the thing, and scream to get off.
• sitting on my knee...does not work as by the time the wee had seeped through my trousers and I realised it was too late to hold her over the potty.
• hovering over a potty...also a no no as your arms give out and the baby wriggles to get free.
• snuggling baby, with hand on bum....this works! unlike the sitting on the knee business, you feel the wee straight away and can hold over the potty which is in position to catch the wee!

So there we have it, just got to try get it in the small pot now ready for tomorrow.....

I spoke too soon.....

My little one was sick this morning :( So I am back off to see the doctor at 3.30 this afternoon (earliest I could get! AND I was on the phone at 9am!!) and try to get them to take this seriously....or am I overreacting? A baby can't be sick and have diorea when there is actually anything in there to come out, for a week - and it just be a 'bug'?

I am being seen too as I seem to have damaged my eye somehow and now half of it is blood red! After reading up on it (as you do!) I am probably just going to be told to rest with my head elevated to drain the blood....How exactly do I do this with a baby who is sick and a 4 yr old who has the energy of a puma?! Oh well, at least it's the weekend tomorrow!

Thankfully my little lady seems to be over her sick bug...Tuesday night was the last bought. She has had 'solids' for the first time tonight and was very pleased to be back to normal!

My sisters scan went well too, so I had no reason to worry on that front either!

My son seems to have the ability to stay awake from 7.30am until 10pm...without any naps! Where does he get all of his energy from? I am sure they must give them something at school just before they leave to make them hyper! Revenge for having them for 3 hours a day!

Went on a shopping spree this afternoon...bought myself a new coat (a need) and a necklace (a want) for a 'do' next Friday, plus Xmas pressies for nearly everyone, almost got it covered...only 3 more to get...I think, no 4, forgot mother-in-law! Thoroughly enjoyed it, but would have enjoyed it more without the kids!

I have also decided I am going to join weight watchers....really need to sort out my weight! So I may be posting more about dribble just so I don't eat as it occupies my hands! Off to find out where to join...

Never underestimate a sickness bug.....

Yesterday was a better day. She managed to keep down her milk, with gaviscon in. This morning she had a bottle without it in and as she was doing well I thought I would try her on a little apricot custard...bluugggghhh, it all came back with curdled milk....in MacDonalds of all places! Teach me for trying to get out of the house with a sick baby!

Shopping put on hold for the day, home and another bath later, after lots of sleep she has had a little dyralite with gaviscon, ate a piece of crust left by my son and a smidge of cheese...only because she practically grabbed it out of his mouth! Yesterday she wouldn't even entertain trying a crust, so hopefully she is feeling a little better in herself. My little man had his booster jabs today too, so other half took him and got some more dyralite and gaviscon as we have run out. He was falling asleep at tea time, but is now full of life and having a bath before bed...hopefully to sleep! I need some time on my own!!!

Trial and tribulations...

My poorly baby is still sick, bless her. Rang the emergency doctor as I was getting worried she might be getting dehydrated as she has started to refuse even the water/dyralite now. Went to see them, and they have given me a prescription for infant gaviscon powders. After getting to the chemist near us that shut at 7pm at 2 minutes to 7 and them walking out the door saying the pharmacist had already gone home, I had to go to tesco's pharmacy. So an hour later after giving her the made up gaviscon she only had a quarter, so I put some milk formula with the rest, as it did say to add it to the usual bottle of milk, to see if she would drink more. Half a bottle later she throws it all back up over us both. Quick bath down for her and me, and then I sat with her on the sofa for an hour to settle and let her sleep on me. Just brought her up to bed. Hopefully she will fare better tomorrow or it's back to the doc we go!

On another note, the 'do' I was meant to be at last night was a 'poor do' according to my other half. This was at 1am when he bounded up the stairs, switched on the bedroom light, bashed me on the arm and told me to 'get up!' and dragged me downstairs....'What have I done now?' I thought....as usually when he comes home worse for wear he gets either argumentative and verbally vicious or morose...He wanted a dance....1am, I had just dropped off after a tough day, and HE wants to dance! I suppose I should be grateful though, he said he had really missed me not being there and really wanted a dance with me and to tell me he loved me as he 'doesn't say it enough.' aawwwwww....

The joys of motherhood

Why is it when you arrange to go out, organise babysitters, get a new glam outfit complete with shoes, splash out on makeup as you only ever use it when you go out and you can't remember when the last time that was, spend 3 mornings rubbing in moisturiser with a hint of tan onto your Lilly white legs, something goes wrong...

My poor baby girl is ill. It started yesterday, sickness and diorea bug, and a rash on one cheek. Saw the doctor who said it is that time of year and he had seen 3 cases of it already that morning, and to just give her fluids with dirolite, and gave some cream for her face. Didn't do too bad through the day, she slept quite a bit and sipped water. Worried she wasn't getting enough I put some juice in with it to make it taste better (had dirolite sachet in to keep her strength up) and she drank the lot...only to throw it all back up all over me and herself and our sofa. Thank goodness for leather! After changing us both, she fell asleep, and an hour later I hear the splat of sick on the stairs...now my son has it....Have you ever tired to clean stairs?! I can still smell the sick after scrubbing, dusting and washing with the Henry carpet washer...think it is ingrained...

He is fine this morning, but my little girl is still not well. I gave her a drop of milk to see if it would stay down, after spending a restless night with her up and down and retching nothingness up at 2am. It stayed! So 2 hours later I made some more for her, much to her delight, and only for her to throw it up no sooner than she had finished...curdled all over her and the sofa. 3rd change of clothes later, after a diorea leak, and she decides to share a bit more, on my bed. So I am now on my 4th load of washing sick clothes and bed linen, and trying to get all this done when I manage to get her to sleep for 30 minutes in between clinging crys. I feel so bad for her.
So much for my night out!