Mad half hour

Just cleaned my bathroom, top to bottom...at 11.30pm...is that crazy or normal?

After weeks of little one being up until 3am, we decided to get her up at 8am today, let her nap for 2 hours (and I did too!) at 11.30 then she was bathed and in bed for 8pm! YAY, cracked it..... NOPE! Up at 11pm...still wide awake despite my efforts to keep her in bed, ''it's dark outside, it's night time, lets go to sleep'', so back to square one. :( Will have to try again tomorrow until she gets the concept of sleeping from 8 - 8 again!

Full of cold again, though not too bad, just cold not aches and pains that I had last time. Kids too, though they seem to sail through illness. Probably because they don't have to get up and get on with things!

Do you think it would make too much noise to put the washing on? Am I really insane? Only not vacuuming the place because of the noise! ah well, at least it is getting done....

Not much happening...

Usual stuff, like we seem to have a cold, get rid of it, only to get it back a week or two later! Little one's sleep pattern is all out of kilt, and she is now up until 1-2am, so driving us all nuts, though I do get to lie in until about 10am with her when hubby does the school run! So can't grumble!

Had terrible pmt, really bad. Feel awful as I seem to take it out on the kids, what with hardly seeing hubby due to work, panto visits, meetings, job searches etc. Snapped a few times at them which isn't their fault, don't seem to realise it until after I've snapped! Coming to the end of my period now though, so hoping to be back to happy mum - well, as happy as I get! I think the only time I snapped at hubby was through email, after some idiot called at 10.40pm, when I had finally managed to get the kids to bed at a decent hour of 8.30pm and thinking I had broken the routine, and woke them up! I was livid! I emailed and told him what I thought of the stupid man, why didn't he call hubby's mobile, and asked him to thank him for waking the kids! 2am it took to get them back off! 2AM!!!! Makes me mad still, LOL!

Hopefully seen the end of my piles, went to the hospital on Friday and after waiting for over an hour to be examined, I was given an injection to get rid of it, though have to go back in 3 months for a second one to totally do the job. Was not a pleasant experience, having a camera up there, quite unusual and a little traumatising towards the end... ah well, hopefully won't need that doing again!

Anyway, think that is all for now, little one is still up, watching a dvd...magic roundabout...would you believe it! She's got in the night garden and Disney, but wants to watch the scary one that is her big brothers before bed!! Strange child...! Going to get in with her, as I seem to be kicked out of mine by the boys! Typical!
Night all x

My little girl is growning up....

She's 2 today. At 1.37am two years ago she made her way into the world, through some very trying circumstances. I was still awake this morning, had just finished reading my book and looked at the clock, 1.37am. I snuggled up to her as she was in with us and had only just gone off herself, and was thankful to have her, though I didn't contemplate what I went through for her. I nearly lost her. and myself. And two years on I am still on meds ....

She is worn out now after opening pressies and cards, or rather her brother did most of it! After pigging out on chocolate, she gave in and fell asleep on the sofa watching In the night garden, dvd she got from her Auntie.

I have just made some butternut squash and cream cheese soup (yummmy!) and I think I am going to have to go make some tea soon. What to do with chicken breast....hmmm might go surf for some inspiration....

What to do...

I can't decided if I sould keep this blog private, a secret from my hubby, or if I should let him know that I have a blog...where I post all my inner thoughts....



What to do?



Any ideas?



Advice?



Would it help or hinder?



Ruin or save?



Please advise....anyone....

Still plodding on....

That's how it feels most days. Kids full of cold, passed it around, so we all feeling under the weather and pretty rubbish.

I have started doing Avon....Avon Calling! Trying to get a bit extra in, to pay off some bills! Sat working out our income/outgoings last month, and we don't have enough income for what are necessities never mind anything else! Here's hoping hubby gets that job offer soon with bigger pay! Even contemplating a paper round!

Couldn't sleep last night, blogging in my brain again! eventually got to sleep just after 4am, woken at 7am, and had about half an hour before little one woke... Don't feel too bad...yet (yawn!)

Everything is still 'foggy' in my brain. Can't seem to focus on doing things, or rather thinking things. In typing this, I have looked out the window and veered off into random musings...and seem to do that a lot! I have given up on getting of the pills. Decided it is better to be like this than contemplating suicide every other week, bursting into tears most days, and generally feeling worthless! At least when I do have the odd moment like this on the pills, my mind soon wanders off in another direction!!

Don't have anything funny/witty/informative to report, pretty much my life! Only news I have is our neighbour and landlord died this week. Funeral is on Monday. He battled with Cancer for 11 months. I don't know what will happen as far as we as tenants go.... so a bit up in the air with that. I was looking at taking on the little village shop and post office just up the road from where we are, but we would have to sell our home up north, and then with the economic climate, we would probably not get a mortgage big enough for it... It's a shame, it's a lovely village, nice pub over the road, 4 bedrooms above...well decorated...fallen in love with it! Oh well. Maybe if hubby wins a small fortune!

Not too bad!

The visit was quite good actually! For the first time since the 'fallout' I felt like I wanted to move back home! Staying with MIL was actually ok, and if it wasn't for the smoke I could stay anytime! By the end of the visit, I think I was getting accustomed to it and didn't smell it as much, until I got home and the car/clothes/we wreaked! Two days later and everything is smoke free!

My sisters new man seems very nice, they are quite suited. Think he will be good for her which is what she needs after her troubles. It was great to see my nephew and niece's again, they are growing up fast! My nephew is now 9 months and walking round furniture! Seemed a bit shell shocked when we all got together...5 rowdy kids running riot! My new niece - 5 months, just smiles and giggles so much! She was fine with being passed about, and just laughed at me (is that a good thing?!) and was so happy, much like my little one was, and her older sister is a case! She made me a lovely card, bless her. I think I left it though! How bad am I :(

Saw mum, couple of days only as she went away on the Friday. She seems a lot more settled, had a nice chat with her where she admits she doesn't know/think it is going to work with her and dad, but is giving it a try. We even talked about how she would do if it didn't, and she said she would stay in grandad's flat, which was left to my dad, and he would move out, as he couldn't like there on his own, too much for him. So I am not so worried about her. She has her gripes still but then I suppose there has to be something to complain about!

As for me, I am feeling a bit more 'level', no vicious mood swings lately, though have snapped at the kids a couple of times...still waiting to come on, so that could be that, or just being overtired and stressed?! Saw the doc again about little ones rash, he says it is a viral infection that has brought out eczema, given me a different cream for her body, one for her nappy rash, a cream to use as a soap, and we have to stop using bath foam/soaps etc and some antibiotics.... So two weeks on and the rash is practically gone now on her body, still a bit on her bum but not half as bad as it was. I attempted the antibiotics, but no matter how disguised - in a drink, in ice cream, just on a spoon, and in a syringe, it just would not go down! She spat it back out! So gave up on them, and as the rash is doing ok, I won't bother. I must make a followup appointment, should have seen him last week!

Think that is all my news, apart from the near disaster with the ball gown I got for a Gala last Friday! Ordered of Ebay, size 18-20, great! Got it, tried it on - very tight, used miracle underwear, still tight but got it zipped and felt ok. So come Friday, about 2 weeks later, I get all done up, put my hair in curlers, do my makeup, put on miracle underwear etc, and come to zip up my dress.... zzzzzppppppp..... it has come apart and there is a gaping hole! ARRRGGGGHHH!
Get it off, manage to get the zip back to the bottom and in sequence and try again with hubby's help ('Hate to tell you this but this dress is too small' - his contribution!) Managed to get it up, and I am able to sit down in it! So I go with it, and pray that it doesn't gape open again half way through dinner! I sat formulating a plan for if this happened, and I came up with pinning the shawl with the rosette that came with it to close the top and drape over the hole! Ingenious! Thankfully I didn't need to resort to such measures, but I had a horrible back ache throughout dinner, think I was too corseted! Also at MIL week before I put on 2 1/2 lb so that didn't help! Oh well, it is going to my sister for new years!

long time no blog....again!

Well, quick updates as I havn't been on for almost 3 weeks!

Chop worked so I am now off the pill (hurrah!) and my body is adjusting...had a mini period few days after and I am now grumpy, spotty and had a few headaches the last few days so expecting more soon :( Hopefully then that will be the start of my routine.

Still feeling a little off, though have had a few days when I felt 'human' again. maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel?

My little girl has had an allergic reaction to something, don't know what, and come out in a rash all over her body. I was up last Tuesday night until 6am trying to stop her scratching and settle her. Saw the doc who gave piriton, and they told me it would knock her out...fat chance! She is so full of energy! After waking the next night at 3am for a couple of hours scratching, I went to the chemist to see if they had any advice, not much except to find out what the reaction is to, and gave some E45 Itch relief cream to help alongside the piriton. So far, it has helped a little, well a lot to say we weren't getting much sleep and she now goes through from 10pm til 8-9am these last couple of days! I am taking her back to the docs this afternoon as the rash doesn't seem to be going and it looks awful on her lower body, all blistering. Poor thing. She had a bad nappy rash the week before this and ended up seeing the doc for that too as the usual nappy creams didn't do anything. He gave me some canisten cream for it, which helped at first but now she is red raw poor mite. Doc said that the reaction wouldn't have been to the Canisten as it would only affect the area I put it on. So back to the drawing board....

Off to visit family tomorrow, staying for 5 days with mother-in-law. Will report on how it when when we get home! Shouldn't be too bad, just feel like I am in a strangers house, rather than when I stayed at mums when I felt I could do anything if you get my meaning. She smokes too so come home reeking of smoke! Wonder why I wash whilst there as it doesn't get rid of the stench! Looking forward to seeing my sisters and brother and mum, and my sisters new live-in boyfriend! watch this space!

Right, off to sort out my mountain of washing and clean up and pack!