Not much happening really...still feel a bit crappy! I have started doing Atkins....just into my 2nd week! Nearly given up 3 times! But going to stick with it, for a bit, and see if I do feel the benefit's... Get rid of the carb cravings .... mmmm fresh bread! LOL! We shall see! Lost 2lb the first week, though since getting the book, I read I have eaten couple of things I shouldn't have! So starting 'properly' this week!
Mum still happy, dad's flat is on the market, so hoping it sells soon and she gets her share!
Right, only brief as little one wants lunch!
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Another month goes by...
And I am back to where I was last time I posted!
I did go see about a decrease, explained how bad I got around totm, and so we decided to decrease to 10mg for 2 weeks then go up to 20mg when I needed them.... so far....not so good! Think I decreased to 10mg for a week then went back upto 20mg! Will give it another go and see how I get on....
Had a run in with a stupid yummy mummy yesterday. On the school run, I parked up and mum got out to get my son while I waited in the car in case anyone wanted me to move (I was blocking a drive, though it only had a camper van in so didn't think they would mind!) I look out the window to see her (with baby seat in arm) mouthing something and looking like thunder....I turn off the radio and wind down the window....'You've HIT my car!!!' ..... ?! ..... At this point I am thinking, how? I havn't felt a thing, I know I got close, so I didn't block 2 drives, but I surly would have felt it?! From my dumbfounded look, she repeats herself and says get out and have a look! I get out feeling stupid, how could I have not known!?! and sure enough my bumber is nose to nose with her number plate.....I am very very confused now....we have a tow bar.....where is it?!!! 'LOOK! move your car and lets see what damage you have done!'.....me scurrying back and moving car as mum and son head back towards us....yummy mummy talks to her daughter (who is in my sons class!!) and then we look....not a scratch! Not a MARK! She has a huge 4x4 and the tow bar had gone underneath it! At some point in my humiliation, I had mentioned I didn't feel a thing and couldn't understand it, and I was sorry, and now, here I was, vindicated, yes, I may have been bumber to bumper, but no damage was done and it wasn't as if I had left the car so she couldn't get out!!! She inspected it, made some comment about how her hubby would have killed her as it is a NEW CAR and next time I should be more careful!!! I scurry off getting my kids into the car, and shout at my son that I don't want to talk, I just want to leave, and scoot off leaving her gloating with friends on the opposite side, who have witnessed the whole sorry affair. I am really mad, my mum makes excuses for her, it's her hormones, she has just had a baby...yes, in January!!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH! I am mad for not standing up more for myself and allowing her to tell me to drive more carefully and bow and scrap saying sorry when I had done nothing wrong! I don't want to go pick him up tonight, but I have just remembered he is out later, got choir practice, so I should not meet her again....until tomorrow. I hate school runs!!!
On the home front, mum is now getting divorced....yes, it's back on! He is sleeping around, admitted it to her, so she has seen sense and is letting go....hurrrrraaaaaahhhhhhh! She is making loads of new friends, and there are a few possible future hubbys out there for her too LOL!
Right, I am off to make some lunch and veg out and catch up on tv....that's all I feel like doing so that's all I am going to do! (Famous last words, will see the mess downstairs and end up cleaning and sorting washing etc etc.....)
I did go see about a decrease, explained how bad I got around totm, and so we decided to decrease to 10mg for 2 weeks then go up to 20mg when I needed them.... so far....not so good! Think I decreased to 10mg for a week then went back upto 20mg! Will give it another go and see how I get on....
Had a run in with a stupid yummy mummy yesterday. On the school run, I parked up and mum got out to get my son while I waited in the car in case anyone wanted me to move (I was blocking a drive, though it only had a camper van in so didn't think they would mind!) I look out the window to see her (with baby seat in arm) mouthing something and looking like thunder....I turn off the radio and wind down the window....'You've HIT my car!!!' ..... ?! ..... At this point I am thinking, how? I havn't felt a thing, I know I got close, so I didn't block 2 drives, but I surly would have felt it?! From my dumbfounded look, she repeats herself and says get out and have a look! I get out feeling stupid, how could I have not known!?! and sure enough my bumber is nose to nose with her number plate.....I am very very confused now....we have a tow bar.....where is it?!!! 'LOOK! move your car and lets see what damage you have done!'.....me scurrying back and moving car as mum and son head back towards us....yummy mummy talks to her daughter (who is in my sons class!!) and then we look....not a scratch! Not a MARK! She has a huge 4x4 and the tow bar had gone underneath it! At some point in my humiliation, I had mentioned I didn't feel a thing and couldn't understand it, and I was sorry, and now, here I was, vindicated, yes, I may have been bumber to bumper, but no damage was done and it wasn't as if I had left the car so she couldn't get out!!! She inspected it, made some comment about how her hubby would have killed her as it is a NEW CAR and next time I should be more careful!!! I scurry off getting my kids into the car, and shout at my son that I don't want to talk, I just want to leave, and scoot off leaving her gloating with friends on the opposite side, who have witnessed the whole sorry affair. I am really mad, my mum makes excuses for her, it's her hormones, she has just had a baby...yes, in January!!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH! I am mad for not standing up more for myself and allowing her to tell me to drive more carefully and bow and scrap saying sorry when I had done nothing wrong! I don't want to go pick him up tonight, but I have just remembered he is out later, got choir practice, so I should not meet her again....until tomorrow. I hate school runs!!!
On the home front, mum is now getting divorced....yes, it's back on! He is sleeping around, admitted it to her, so she has seen sense and is letting go....hurrrrraaaaaahhhhhhh! She is making loads of new friends, and there are a few possible future hubbys out there for her too LOL!
Right, I am off to make some lunch and veg out and catch up on tv....that's all I feel like doing so that's all I am going to do! (Famous last words, will see the mess downstairs and end up cleaning and sorting washing etc etc.....)
Thursday, 7 May 2009
That wonderful time of the month again....
Yes, that's it, it's the time I seem to go into melt down, sick of it all and everybody! All because of a period! I wish men could go through it just once to see what it is like...just once! Argh!
Really can't be bothered. I was going to make an appointment to see the doc about going down in strength on my meds, then this rolls around and I think I need an increase not decrease!!!
And now I am welling up in tears! What is going on! Hubby just called, asked what was wrong 'are you depressed?', so I say it's nothing, time of the month, and he goes oh, you've got this and that so why are you depressed...bla-de-bla....really, just please let them go thorough it once, just once is all I ask.....!!
I just want to hide away. But I can't, life goes on, jobs need doing, sitting here doesn't help things, when I have 101 jobs to do....
But I have no motivation to go do them. Today, all I have done, is get up, showered, dressed me and my little one, checked my emails, made lunch, eaten, taken mum out to a friends, picked my son up from school, popped into the shop to get kids ice cream, dropped mum home, came home, cleaned out the rabbit hutch (did I say we now have a rabbit thanks to mum?!) contemplated doing the ironing, and emptying the dishwasher but leaving it, then came here to look up places to stay for my sister when she comes down to visit next month....and I have now got to go sort out the kids tea, and then help my son with reading....not much at all, really. Sort out some tea for us and bath the kids before getting them to bed, hopefully at a decent hour tonight, not 1am like last night!
I can feel a migraine coming on too....joy ......
Really can't be bothered. I was going to make an appointment to see the doc about going down in strength on my meds, then this rolls around and I think I need an increase not decrease!!!
And now I am welling up in tears! What is going on! Hubby just called, asked what was wrong 'are you depressed?', so I say it's nothing, time of the month, and he goes oh, you've got this and that so why are you depressed...bla-de-bla....really, just please let them go thorough it once, just once is all I ask.....!!
I just want to hide away. But I can't, life goes on, jobs need doing, sitting here doesn't help things, when I have 101 jobs to do....
But I have no motivation to go do them. Today, all I have done, is get up, showered, dressed me and my little one, checked my emails, made lunch, eaten, taken mum out to a friends, picked my son up from school, popped into the shop to get kids ice cream, dropped mum home, came home, cleaned out the rabbit hutch (did I say we now have a rabbit thanks to mum?!) contemplated doing the ironing, and emptying the dishwasher but leaving it, then came here to look up places to stay for my sister when she comes down to visit next month....and I have now got to go sort out the kids tea, and then help my son with reading....not much at all, really. Sort out some tea for us and bath the kids before getting them to bed, hopefully at a decent hour tonight, not 1am like last night!
I can feel a migraine coming on too....joy ......
Friday, 17 April 2009
The Saga continues.....
HAHAHAHA (can you hear the insanity?)
Well, I have just looked to remind myself what I had blogged last.....No Divorce. How time can changed in 2 weeks.....
Week 1
Phone call, 'going home' - ok - 20 mins later phone rings again....tears 'not going now' .....ok..... 'Getting a divorce'....My response...'YAY! sorry but you know how I feel. What has he done?' to which I got 'I don't want to get you involved, but I have grounds...' HURRARH!
Appointment made, ironically 32 years to the day after I was born she is seeing the solicitor to get a divorce.... all done, paperwork being sent....he is not going to contest, has sent a letter stating his infidelity, so he only has to sign the paperwork, it will go through whatever process, he has to sell flat, pay off debts (joint) and then split what is left..... Finally, we are getting there.
Week 2
Spoke, yet again, too soon.
I am sick with flu, haven't been out of bed for nearly 4 days when she comes round to help with the kids, as hubby is back to work....round at 4.30pm, sorts out kids tea, brings some beef she has cooked, asked if I wanted mine, and I wasn't really hungry. Then says 'I am getting a train at 6pm'......OH?! 'Where are you staying?'....asked tentatively while saying in my had 'not dad's not dads....' 'With Ann' ....... phew! Ok, so she is going, fare enough, she has missed her friends and my sisters and her grand kids up there....this is ok.....
Sister texts, she had dad round last night, telling her they are no longer getting a divorce, to keep her nose out and don't tell anyone! HE doesn't want to sell the flat. MONEY! It comes down to money, not love, feeling remorse, guilt...no, money!!!! He is picking mum up tonight and putting her up for the night.......
ARRRHHHGGGGGHHHHH! We have both had it now. She is going to have them round tomorrow and tell them a few home truths....
That didn't go too well, well, that is an understatement. He really is a piece of work. He called my sister Evil, said she had an evil streak and was an attention seeker and never did half the stuff she has done for attention (suicide attempts etc - for example, when she was 10 she took her 1st od, we ended up in family counselling, and he couldn't even remember it!!!) and that she wasn't part of his side of the family...that's my grandparents who died last year who were more like parents to us. Wouldn't say why he no longer wanted divorce, just said he loved mum....she said how can you call it love or a marriage, when you go out shagging around, and 3 weeks after she leaves you are in bed with another man?!! After much arguing, it seems she got no where. They are still together, as far as I know she is still staying at his, and she hasn't been in contact since my sister told her we all know they not getting divorce now and she is staying with him.....
Still feel crap, ache all over, get worn out doing tiny things, and hubby thinks I have just got a cold and to get on with it...'I went to work, did some labouring helping build an office....' MEN!
We also found out this week that he is going to be a Grandad!!! HAHAHA! Does that make me a step-grandma?! At 32 is that even possible? Yep, suppose it is! YIKES! His daughter is 3 months gone. He and her mum wanted her to get abortion...'she has limitations if she has it' Crap came out... I totally disagree with abortion. If, and she doesn't, she felt that way, I would have said, have it, and get it adopted, or I would take care of it, rather than abortion. So, my kids are going to be an auntie and uncle at the end of the year.....
Tell you, you couldn't make it up could you?
Well, I have just looked to remind myself what I had blogged last.....No Divorce. How time can changed in 2 weeks.....
Week 1
Phone call, 'going home' - ok - 20 mins later phone rings again....tears 'not going now' .....ok..... 'Getting a divorce'....My response...'YAY! sorry but you know how I feel. What has he done?' to which I got 'I don't want to get you involved, but I have grounds...' HURRARH!
Appointment made, ironically 32 years to the day after I was born she is seeing the solicitor to get a divorce.... all done, paperwork being sent....he is not going to contest, has sent a letter stating his infidelity, so he only has to sign the paperwork, it will go through whatever process, he has to sell flat, pay off debts (joint) and then split what is left..... Finally, we are getting there.
Week 2
Spoke, yet again, too soon.
I am sick with flu, haven't been out of bed for nearly 4 days when she comes round to help with the kids, as hubby is back to work....round at 4.30pm, sorts out kids tea, brings some beef she has cooked, asked if I wanted mine, and I wasn't really hungry. Then says 'I am getting a train at 6pm'......OH?! 'Where are you staying?'....asked tentatively while saying in my had 'not dad's not dads....' 'With Ann' ....... phew! Ok, so she is going, fare enough, she has missed her friends and my sisters and her grand kids up there....this is ok.....
Sister texts, she had dad round last night, telling her they are no longer getting a divorce, to keep her nose out and don't tell anyone! HE doesn't want to sell the flat. MONEY! It comes down to money, not love, feeling remorse, guilt...no, money!!!! He is picking mum up tonight and putting her up for the night.......
ARRRHHHGGGGGHHHHH! We have both had it now. She is going to have them round tomorrow and tell them a few home truths....
That didn't go too well, well, that is an understatement. He really is a piece of work. He called my sister Evil, said she had an evil streak and was an attention seeker and never did half the stuff she has done for attention (suicide attempts etc - for example, when she was 10 she took her 1st od, we ended up in family counselling, and he couldn't even remember it!!!) and that she wasn't part of his side of the family...that's my grandparents who died last year who were more like parents to us. Wouldn't say why he no longer wanted divorce, just said he loved mum....she said how can you call it love or a marriage, when you go out shagging around, and 3 weeks after she leaves you are in bed with another man?!! After much arguing, it seems she got no where. They are still together, as far as I know she is still staying at his, and she hasn't been in contact since my sister told her we all know they not getting divorce now and she is staying with him.....
Still feel crap, ache all over, get worn out doing tiny things, and hubby thinks I have just got a cold and to get on with it...'I went to work, did some labouring helping build an office....' MEN!
We also found out this week that he is going to be a Grandad!!! HAHAHA! Does that make me a step-grandma?! At 32 is that even possible? Yep, suppose it is! YIKES! His daughter is 3 months gone. He and her mum wanted her to get abortion...'she has limitations if she has it' Crap came out... I totally disagree with abortion. If, and she doesn't, she felt that way, I would have said, have it, and get it adopted, or I would take care of it, rather than abortion. So, my kids are going to be an auntie and uncle at the end of the year.....
Tell you, you couldn't make it up could you?
Friday, 27 March 2009
feel like I am going insane.... :o0
AAAAARRRRRRHHHHHGGGGGG!
If doing that out loud all day would help, right now I would do it. but it won't, it would just get me carted off to an asylum! I seriously wonder if I am slowly going insane...
My mum is now not going to get divorced...arggghhh! They are going to give it time to see what happens, he says he wants no one else, is selling the flat and giving her half, and will eventually move down here as she is settled here. Urgh!!!
Hubby got drunk last night at a friends, called me at midnight to ask me to go pick him up, so after getting ready and standing deciding how I was going to get 2 kids into the car whilst one was asleep, I get another call 5 mins later, saying ignore the last message, I will be home in 10 mins... So go back to bed...10 mins later, no sign, so call....ring ring ring...no answer.... this goes on for an hour, and I figure he must be walking home....or is in a ditch somewhere. I am soo tired that I fall asleep on and off, and then decide if he doesn't answer when I call at 2.40am I am going to call the police....Where is he....outside, asleep, in his car!!!!! ARGH!!!! Seen the car this morning, as I got nothing out of him last night, except to say I had to take the kids to school, and he has scraped the back corner bumper, and there is sand on the front bumper and grill.... I drove his route to see if I could figure out what has happened, but can't see any sand... think he is stirring...so should find out now....
I think I am going to have a breakdown soon! My head just can't cope, I can't get motivated, I feel so tired all the time....I just feel crap...
If doing that out loud all day would help, right now I would do it. but it won't, it would just get me carted off to an asylum! I seriously wonder if I am slowly going insane...
My mum is now not going to get divorced...arggghhh! They are going to give it time to see what happens, he says he wants no one else, is selling the flat and giving her half, and will eventually move down here as she is settled here. Urgh!!!
Hubby got drunk last night at a friends, called me at midnight to ask me to go pick him up, so after getting ready and standing deciding how I was going to get 2 kids into the car whilst one was asleep, I get another call 5 mins later, saying ignore the last message, I will be home in 10 mins... So go back to bed...10 mins later, no sign, so call....ring ring ring...no answer.... this goes on for an hour, and I figure he must be walking home....or is in a ditch somewhere. I am soo tired that I fall asleep on and off, and then decide if he doesn't answer when I call at 2.40am I am going to call the police....Where is he....outside, asleep, in his car!!!!! ARGH!!!! Seen the car this morning, as I got nothing out of him last night, except to say I had to take the kids to school, and he has scraped the back corner bumper, and there is sand on the front bumper and grill.... I drove his route to see if I could figure out what has happened, but can't see any sand... think he is stirring...so should find out now....
I think I am going to have a breakdown soon! My head just can't cope, I can't get motivated, I feel so tired all the time....I just feel crap...
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
Quick update before tea...
Feeling a bit numb/blue/exhausted at the mo. Seem to want to just sleep, do nothing, dream.
Mum is hopefully going to divorce. He is such a selfish bastard. Told my sister he doesn't love her, hasn't for a long time, but is with her to get her income support benefit! He has been on a 'date' last weekend, told her all about it, they had a kiss and cuddle but nothing more...she is lesbian!!! HAHA! How twisted is life!
My sister is getting more and more down, going to see the doc about help. About time, I say, though she missed an appointment just over a week ago. Silly girl! Hope she goes and gets her head sorted! She said it is no wonder we are so messed up as kids with the parents we have, a mother who put her husband first even before us, so that they would have something when we all flew the nest, only to be left the way she is, with half her kids resenting her...pretty sad really.
My other sister is moving into the top flat with her partner...hurrah! We will have some money coming in at last! She is doing well, losing weight, sorting out her diabetes so they can have a baby...just wish she would wait until she was totally sorted and in the 'right place' before they tried and failed and end up miserable every month...
Well, off to make my tea...though I just want to curl up and go to sleep! My diet is going down the pan, put on half a stone this past month...just the way I am at the mo...need to get back on track...but can't seem to....
Mum is hopefully going to divorce. He is such a selfish bastard. Told my sister he doesn't love her, hasn't for a long time, but is with her to get her income support benefit! He has been on a 'date' last weekend, told her all about it, they had a kiss and cuddle but nothing more...she is lesbian!!! HAHA! How twisted is life!
My sister is getting more and more down, going to see the doc about help. About time, I say, though she missed an appointment just over a week ago. Silly girl! Hope she goes and gets her head sorted! She said it is no wonder we are so messed up as kids with the parents we have, a mother who put her husband first even before us, so that they would have something when we all flew the nest, only to be left the way she is, with half her kids resenting her...pretty sad really.
My other sister is moving into the top flat with her partner...hurrah! We will have some money coming in at last! She is doing well, losing weight, sorting out her diabetes so they can have a baby...just wish she would wait until she was totally sorted and in the 'right place' before they tried and failed and end up miserable every month...
Well, off to make my tea...though I just want to curl up and go to sleep! My diet is going down the pan, put on half a stone this past month...just the way I am at the mo...need to get back on track...but can't seem to....
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Unmentionables
The unmentionable disease has kicked in again, feel crap, and depressed. Wondering if it is all worth it again :(
Lied in bed most of the day, except to get up and make everybody lunch, surfed the web a bit, watched tv a bit, and slept. Got to thinking about all the 'unmentionable' things I don't put down here, and wondering why not?
Why can't I say it, herpes...there. I did. I have only ever been with one man, and still got an sti, how crap is that?!
My dad prefers to mess about with men, another unmentionable, or did I already say that? And how he said he had got my hubby off in a park loo before we met? How sick is that! No wonder I don't want anything to do with him!
I was raped. Another unmentionable. Just over a year ago now. Seems time doesn't always heal as I have been thinking more about it these last few months, though cutting it off before really going into it too deep.
There, my unmentionables are now out in the open....
Lied in bed most of the day, except to get up and make everybody lunch, surfed the web a bit, watched tv a bit, and slept. Got to thinking about all the 'unmentionable' things I don't put down here, and wondering why not?
Why can't I say it, herpes...there. I did. I have only ever been with one man, and still got an sti, how crap is that?!
My dad prefers to mess about with men, another unmentionable, or did I already say that? And how he said he had got my hubby off in a park loo before we met? How sick is that! No wonder I don't want anything to do with him!
I was raped. Another unmentionable. Just over a year ago now. Seems time doesn't always heal as I have been thinking more about it these last few months, though cutting it off before really going into it too deep.
There, my unmentionables are now out in the open....
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