Dial up is SOOOO slow!

After waiting the two weeks for my broadband to arrive, I rang to see where it was....there had been a fault and it would be with me in 5 days....5 days later and I call again....after waiting on hold for 5 minutes, I am told there was a fault, and it will be 21 days!!!! Why does this happen to me? So I tell them to cancel the whole thing and I will go somewhere else...how hard can it be to get broadband? 10-14 days. (better than 21!) So whilst I am still waiting for the wonders an 8mg-thingamy-jig can do, I am stuck with dial up... How did we manage before broadband?! You can't watch anything on YOUTUBE, it stutters and starts as it takes 45 minutes to load a 5 minute clip, and every page I open, well, I could write this out quicker than it took to get somewhere! Rant over...unless my broadband doesn't arrive!

Had a haircut yesterday, went bob style with a fringe, from shoulder length to chin (which one!LOL!) length. How come it never looks the same as when they do it after you wash it? Other half says it is ok, but he likes it longer and can't get used to seeing me with it short. Still don't know myself...

So far I have lost 6lb at weight watchers, and have bought myself 2 incentive dresses in the sale in size 16. I was trying to work out when I would get into them, and my head hurts from trying to work it out, but going on roughly 1lb a week, I am looking at summer 2009!! Bit longer than I had hoped...maybe I will beat it?!

Had a stressful day today, seemed to have been telling my son of every 5 minutes for something or other... School holidays, who invented them?! Think it is his boredom. Bought some flashcards to try and get him on with his alphabet, as phonics doesn't seem to be working. Asked his teacher about dyslexia, runs in the family, and he has the early signs, but she said it is too early to tell, and he is doing ok for his age...so we will see. She should know by Easter if he isn't up to the stage he should be, and said it isn't really until they are 7 you can tell....2 years to go!

Well, think that is my news for this week...all still full of cold, nothing new there and the weather is still freezing! Time to get the bed blanket out I think!

Ill again....

Just seem to get rid of this darn cold when it starts up again! 1st my little one got it then she passed it on to me and her dad....feel rough again. Seems to be nevereneding illness at the moment in this house.

Weightwatchers is going ok, only lost 1lb this week, think going out for two meals and eating MacDonalds while we were with family this weekend may have something to do with it! Hopefully will loose more this week, especially with being ill and not eating much!

My other half looked after the kids yesterday while I 'died' in bed, bless him he tidied up the kitchen, the best way a man can, and did the ironing! Took him the best part of 4 hours!! he did iron towels and underwear though, silly man!! Just got to get all the clean washing upstairs and put away now! Not a great holiday for him though, with us all being ill, and not much getting done. When I feel better it's time for a blitz I think! Front room is begining to look like a bomb site, given the kitchen a quick clean while I had a little relapse in feeling rough, so that isn't too bad, but need to blitz upstairs too.... oh well, it never ends.....

Weight watchers going well...

Managed to loose 3.5lb in my first week! Hoping for a good loss this week too as I was sick on Thurdsay and cosiquently didn't eat much!

Still waiting for my modem to come...so posts are few and far between. I am doing this at my mums as we are away for the weekend.

My little baby is now a toddler. She was 1 on friday. Due to being so ill on the thursday night and not feeling too bright on the Friday, I didn't have time to dwell on re-living the nightmare that was her birth, which is probably a good thing. The tablets also helped me thinks!

Going to see the doc next month about cutting back and hopefully getting off them in march... we will see...

Gotta go, too many 'visitors'!

You never know how much you will miss something...

Until you no longer have it....

My computer crashed on me at the beginning of last week. After trying to salvage it, I had to re-boot the whole system and start from scratch...all my documents...gone, all my photos...gone, every programme loaded...gone! Hence no posts until now...which has taken me an age to get online as I have had to go by cable....! How slow can you go............

Waiting on my new Internet connection to arrive in the next couple of weeks, to be broadband again...oh the joys of simple things! I have felt quite lost without my daily browse.....

I have also taken the plunge and joined weight watchers....can't believe how much I weighted....17stone 3lb! Doing very well...I think! sticking to the points and eating what I like, almost. I have felt hungry a few times, but trying to eat healthy snacks to push me on until it's meal time. Weigh in on Wednesday so I will post my loss... I HOPE! Aiming for a big loss with it being my 1st week...going for 7lb....think I will make it?! Only time will tell!

Well, off to browse...slowly as it takes forever to load pages!!!!!

Better day....

After yesterdays rant feel a lot better today. It does help to get it off your chest, even if no one ever sees it! And I am not feeling so ill either which helps.

Been blogging in my brain again at night, and came to the conclusion that I now call my little chats with myself, blogging! Great Eh? Or am I really as mad as that sounds?!

I think I must be someone who craves attention, but I am to scared to say 'HEY Look at ME!', or are we all like that deep down? We do everything for everyone else, and help everyone but when we need the help we don't speak up....

Anyway, I am waffling on about silly rubbish that no one ever gets to see...why do I do it? Answer, because it does help, just a little, to know that maybe one day I will look back on it and realise where I went wrong, or right, and maybe, just maybe someone will start to read my blog and not feel alone....

Ok, enough said, off to make bread....

Why is it.....?

My other half can make me feel so crap sometimes? I am full of flu, and asked him if he could get home early so that I could go to bed...not a problem he said. Come 6.30pm I decide enough is enough and ring to see where he is...snowed under at work 'but I will come home now'...oh thank you for putting yourself out....! After getting the youngest into bed and sorting out my sons tea as he walks in, I go to bed, only for my son to wake the baby an hour later. I feel too ill to even pick her out of the cot so give her her dummy and leave her for her father, feeling guilty. 2 hours later I hear my other half at work on the computer while the baby grumbles away in her cot...for at least 20 mins. I try to ignore it and turn over, but when I realise she is still crying, I get up to suggest she might want some milk...to find he is no longer at the computer and she is all alone in her cot.

I take her downstairs, and say I think she might want some milk and she has been crying for half an hour....'don't lie, I have only just put her down 3 minutes ago! She has been down here with me!' I pass her over and come back to bed, wondering if I am going mad (probably hallucinating or something with a temperature) and feeling like I am always wrong and maybe I should just leave.

Contemplate going to my mums with the kids, as obviously he can't handle me being sick, work and the kids, so maybe I should make it easier for him? I want to cry but I can't. Think the meds are working....

Is it only me....

Or do you have dreams that effect your whole day?

The other night I had an awful dream that seemed so real involving my other half, telling me I was too fat and unattractive and that he was going out to find someone else to sleep with...I woke in the night after this dream and even though I knew it was a dream I physically moved away from him in bed and felt so mad at him! Why is that? I have a few like that, where I get mad at him in my dreams and wake up mad with him in real life and can be cold towards him, yet I know it is nothing he has done. Why are we like this...or is it just crazy old me?

We are all ill now :( Little ones coughing like troopers and don't know what to do with themselves, and we feel like we have been in a boxing match and have a sore throat to boot. My sister is down and had a sick bug yesterday too, so we are all in a sorry state!

One gets better....

And the other gets ill! Now my son is full of cold and fever, just as my baby is finally, it seems, over her sick 'bug'. Poor boy had some bad dreams last night and ended up in our bed. And I woke with a stonking headache, think it is follow-on from Saturday night/Sunday morning migraine...

Not got any other really exciting news, keep thinking of things to blog when I go to bed again, and then forget them in the morning! Typical!

I have been thinking a bit more about my baby's birth, as she will be 1 in about 4 weeks, and I wonder how it will hit me. Remembering what I went through? I suppose I will just have to see when I get there...

Two days down...

And no sick!! YAY! Diorea seems to have gone too. Maybe the end is in sight! Tomorrow we try food again (bar the odd crust and chocolate other half decided she should eat!) so we shall see!

Have you ever tried to get a urine sample from an 11month old girl?! That has been my task tonight, to send in 1st thing in the morning for the doctor to rule out any urine infection that might be causing the sickness. I have tried:

• Sitting on a potty...this only works if they are older and don't almost fall into the thing, and scream to get off.
• sitting on my knee...does not work as by the time the wee had seeped through my trousers and I realised it was too late to hold her over the potty.
• hovering over a potty...also a no no as your arms give out and the baby wriggles to get free.
• snuggling baby, with hand on bum....this works! unlike the sitting on the knee business, you feel the wee straight away and can hold over the potty which is in position to catch the wee!

So there we have it, just got to try get it in the small pot now ready for tomorrow.....

I spoke too soon.....

My little one was sick this morning :( So I am back off to see the doctor at 3.30 this afternoon (earliest I could get! AND I was on the phone at 9am!!) and try to get them to take this seriously....or am I overreacting? A baby can't be sick and have diorea when there is actually anything in there to come out, for a week - and it just be a 'bug'?

I am being seen too as I seem to have damaged my eye somehow and now half of it is blood red! After reading up on it (as you do!) I am probably just going to be told to rest with my head elevated to drain the blood....How exactly do I do this with a baby who is sick and a 4 yr old who has the energy of a puma?! Oh well, at least it's the weekend tomorrow!

Thankfully my little lady seems to be over her sick bug...Tuesday night was the last bought. She has had 'solids' for the first time tonight and was very pleased to be back to normal!

My sisters scan went well too, so I had no reason to worry on that front either!

My son seems to have the ability to stay awake from 7.30am until 10pm...without any naps! Where does he get all of his energy from? I am sure they must give them something at school just before they leave to make them hyper! Revenge for having them for 3 hours a day!

Went on a shopping spree this afternoon...bought myself a new coat (a need) and a necklace (a want) for a 'do' next Friday, plus Xmas pressies for nearly everyone, almost got it covered...only 3 more to get...I think, no 4, forgot mother-in-law! Thoroughly enjoyed it, but would have enjoyed it more without the kids!

I have also decided I am going to join weight watchers....really need to sort out my weight! So I may be posting more about dribble just so I don't eat as it occupies my hands! Off to find out where to join...

Never underestimate a sickness bug.....

Yesterday was a better day. She managed to keep down her milk, with gaviscon in. This morning she had a bottle without it in and as she was doing well I thought I would try her on a little apricot custard...bluugggghhh, it all came back with curdled milk....in MacDonalds of all places! Teach me for trying to get out of the house with a sick baby!

Shopping put on hold for the day, home and another bath later, after lots of sleep she has had a little dyralite with gaviscon, ate a piece of crust left by my son and a smidge of cheese...only because she practically grabbed it out of his mouth! Yesterday she wouldn't even entertain trying a crust, so hopefully she is feeling a little better in herself. My little man had his booster jabs today too, so other half took him and got some more dyralite and gaviscon as we have run out. He was falling asleep at tea time, but is now full of life and having a bath before bed...hopefully to sleep! I need some time on my own!!!

Trial and tribulations...

My poorly baby is still sick, bless her. Rang the emergency doctor as I was getting worried she might be getting dehydrated as she has started to refuse even the water/dyralite now. Went to see them, and they have given me a prescription for infant gaviscon powders. After getting to the chemist near us that shut at 7pm at 2 minutes to 7 and them walking out the door saying the pharmacist had already gone home, I had to go to tesco's pharmacy. So an hour later after giving her the made up gaviscon she only had a quarter, so I put some milk formula with the rest, as it did say to add it to the usual bottle of milk, to see if she would drink more. Half a bottle later she throws it all back up over us both. Quick bath down for her and me, and then I sat with her on the sofa for an hour to settle and let her sleep on me. Just brought her up to bed. Hopefully she will fare better tomorrow or it's back to the doc we go!

On another note, the 'do' I was meant to be at last night was a 'poor do' according to my other half. This was at 1am when he bounded up the stairs, switched on the bedroom light, bashed me on the arm and told me to 'get up!' and dragged me downstairs....'What have I done now?' I thought....as usually when he comes home worse for wear he gets either argumentative and verbally vicious or morose...He wanted a dance....1am, I had just dropped off after a tough day, and HE wants to dance! I suppose I should be grateful though, he said he had really missed me not being there and really wanted a dance with me and to tell me he loved me as he 'doesn't say it enough.' aawwwwww....

The joys of motherhood

Why is it when you arrange to go out, organise babysitters, get a new glam outfit complete with shoes, splash out on makeup as you only ever use it when you go out and you can't remember when the last time that was, spend 3 mornings rubbing in moisturiser with a hint of tan onto your Lilly white legs, something goes wrong...

My poor baby girl is ill. It started yesterday, sickness and diorea bug, and a rash on one cheek. Saw the doctor who said it is that time of year and he had seen 3 cases of it already that morning, and to just give her fluids with dirolite, and gave some cream for her face. Didn't do too bad through the day, she slept quite a bit and sipped water. Worried she wasn't getting enough I put some juice in with it to make it taste better (had dirolite sachet in to keep her strength up) and she drank the lot...only to throw it all back up all over me and herself and our sofa. Thank goodness for leather! After changing us both, she fell asleep, and an hour later I hear the splat of sick on the stairs...now my son has it....Have you ever tired to clean stairs?! I can still smell the sick after scrubbing, dusting and washing with the Henry carpet washer...think it is ingrained...

He is fine this morning, but my little girl is still not well. I gave her a drop of milk to see if it would stay down, after spending a restless night with her up and down and retching nothingness up at 2am. It stayed! So 2 hours later I made some more for her, much to her delight, and only for her to throw it up no sooner than she had finished...curdled all over her and the sofa. 3rd change of clothes later, after a diorea leak, and she decides to share a bit more, on my bed. So I am now on my 4th load of washing sick clothes and bed linen, and trying to get all this done when I manage to get her to sleep for 30 minutes in between clinging crys. I feel so bad for her.
So much for my night out!

Scary!

This is the email my kind brother passed on to me. My 1st reaction was to laugh and think of the reply, 'when did you get mum to pose for that?!' when it hit me...that could be me now...

Ok, maybe my ass is not that big yet (or am I being kind to myself?) but the rest...yep pretty much me. Anyone got a cure for comfort eating? Anyone? Hoping the happy pills would stop my evening munchies...hhhmmmmmm...nope not happened yet...

So, will have to get off my big butt and start going on my exercise thingy (bit like a bike but with no seat...I wish it had a seat...) again and try fight the munchie monster. Easier said than done, especially on dark cold nights with no other half to keep me in check...though he does like tubs of pringles and bottles of wine on an evening...

It's a small world....

Well, my sister is doing fine, just waiting for her scan now...wish it would hurry up to put our minds at rest.

As for me, I couldn't help myself and had to ask if she (midwife) had heard about the case in December of the GA Awareness....she was in the operating room handing out the instruments!!! She asked how I was and what had happened, what I remembered until etc. I explained that the hospital had apologised...'what have they said went wrong and apologised for?'....I don't know. 'Just that it had happened and that unfortunately it does.' Her eyes rolled, and a little tut escaped. I said there had supposedly been meetings to discuss the case and how to prevent it in the future....'funny I never got invited'. this time I rolled my eyes. So it goes I suppose. She asked how I was doing, said I was taking medication and getting through it, a lot better than I was before. As we left she gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder and smiled.

I have started going over what happened again when I have a shower in the morning...I suppose it is better than when I am trying to sleep. Then I tell myself I can't change what happened so why re-live it? I just end up having a bad day with re-occurring thoughts, and it isn't worth it and I won't let it get me down again...not that I am 100% yet, but being 60% is better than 1% or less...

So, today I am going for some retail therapy, thanks to my payout. Forget the housework, shops, here I come!

Irrational Fear?

My sister is going to see her midwife for the first time today, and has asked me to go with her. She is about 11 and a half weeks, hasn't had any real problems, the odd feeling sick on an evening and boob tenderness, and she has never had any problems with conception, pregnancy or birth...yet I have this awful fear that something is wrong....

Maybe this is due to my troubles with the whole conception, pregnancy and birth. Who knows? Anyway, I am just waiting for the 1st scan as if it was me waiting to find out if my baby is ok, and hope that my fears are just my minds way of coping with how I feel about the whole pregnancy/birth trauma.

I had an interesting talk with my brother this week about what we remeber from childhood...and it seems I remember very little! I seem to have memories but only the ones from pictures I have seen and wonder if it is a memory or just the photo I remember, if you know what I mean! I do remeber some things and may blog them down so that I don't forget, and maybe that way it will show me I remeber more than I think!

For now, I have to get ready to go with my sister, so it will have to wait....

'Blog'storm....

Yesterday I had a 'blog'storm moment...bit like a brainstorm but where you think I must blog that... Anyway, can I remember what the heck it was...no I can't! Why is that?

So here I am with an empty page, and mind, trying desperately to remember what it was, but to no avail...maybe it will come back to me in the middle of the day....

Sitting here staring at a blank-ish screen isn't helping, neither is the kids noise or the birds screeching helping (I so want to let that bird out!) so I am going to resign myself to the fact that my brain is no longer functioning on all cylinders and go and rescue the baby from my son's idea of fun!

Yesterday I attacked my mum's cupboards with a vengeance! You could never get everything in, and there were tins of soup and other bits and pieces on the kitchen tops and in bags all over the place. This isn't helped by the fact the kitchen is so small you couldn't swing a cat in there...(not that I have tried this...ever...though I did know a boy who did, not in my mums kitchen!) So after cleaning all the pots, I got set to on the food cupboards....I am not lying when I say I have filled 2 bin bags, and not the small ones, the huge dustbin liner type ones, with out of date tins, packets, jars and spices. After doing two double cupboards, I then decided to leave the 3 she has of plates, pans, unknown items and pots until another day!

Next job was to clean the oven...I don't think it has been done since she bought it about 5 years ago! Out comes Mr Muscle, and after getting instructions off my dad (I DO know how to clean an oven, shame you don't!) I set too covering it in foam....left for 2 hours while I went food shopping...well I could fit things in the cupboards now which seem practically bare! After realising it was a tougher job than Mr Muscle could handle, we gave it a 2nd coat of Cif...after scraping what burnt bits I could from the bottom of the oven. Leaving it 2 hours again while we went to visit friends, who wern't in, I came home to try again....hadn't even scratched the surface! So back to Mr Muscle for one last go, this time leaving it until after tea and a couple of glasses of wine with friends of mum and dad...(I really wish I hadn't heard some things best not heard by children from their parents!) I attacked it for one last time....Suffice to say, it will do! At least now when we put the oven on we are not choked with fumes!!

Don't have much to say....until I start....

After posting one of my secrets I am petrified that my other half is going to find out and divorce me...either that or lock me up for being insane!

Then I worry that this is a problem, as surly I should be able to share these things with him? But I find I cannot...scared that he will think he married a crazy woman and ask for a divorce, and I am even more scared that I wouldn't be bothered...

Why am I soo messed up?

On another note, we had our son's first Parent/Teacher evening last night. He is where they expect him to be for his age, but has a problem following orders, say they ask him to do a..b..c, he will go c, a, where am I? His dad has told him he has to listen to his teacher and do as she says...'are you listening?' Poor boy, my heart went out to him watching him squirm on his chair...But when he was praised for the good things he is doing, he got a 'well done, see you can do things right.' I am a little worried that being too harsh on him will only turn him into some kind of messed up child who thinks he can never do good enough for his parents, and that his best is never enough... maybe I am being oversensitive? In the school holidays I am going to try and sit him down for a short time each day and work on his letters and writing...

Don't have much to say....until I start....

After posting one of my secrets, I have become petrified that my other half is going to find out I am writing a blog and ask for a divorce....either that or lock me up for being insane!

And then I wonder if this is a problem, because surly I should be sharing these things? But yet I find I can't. I am scared of the consequences if I did...scared he will leave, and even more scared that it won't bother me if he did....

Why am I sooo messed up?

We had our first meeting with my son's teacher yesterday, the termly teacher/parent one where you find out how your little darling is/isn't doing. He is where they expect him to be for his age, but has a problem following orders, and they have to give him them bit by bit....should I start to worry now? Also he needs work on learning his 'phonics'.....ABC's to you and me. Other half told him he has to start listerning to the teacher, and do as he is told...to see him squirm made my heart go out to him. She did praise him, and he got a well done for that, but it seemed like he was being got at :( And all I could do is say he has a slight problem with hearing, (which is true, and he is having a re-test after winter, but they said it wouldn't be a problem at school...) to which his dad said he didn't think that was it it is just that he goes into his own world a lot of the time...don't we all?!!!

This is one of my Post Secrets.....

After visiting the site yesterday, I decided I should take the plung, and as I set this up to put down the things I find I cannot say, I should really do just that.

It kept me awake for a while, and it is something I am not sure of, and don't know if I will ever be sure, maybe this is how life is, and the love we have for our children is all different?Or maybe I am just a freak! Who knows? But it is out for now.... to me anyway.

And for todays lesson....

Never accept anything 'free' as there are always consequences!

On our weekly food shopping trip, we stopped for lunch at the supermarket cafe. On the offer of free baby food with any paying adult, I thought why not, it's free, even though I had brought something with us...never mind that it is the 1st stage pureed to a pulp food and she is 10 months and can chew, it won't do any harm.........

Then on to the toilets, to do the necessary and change the darlings bum...where again there were free baby wipes and nappies provided...again, despite having my own, I thought why not?..... Not a problem so far....

Get home and put the baby in her play den, with toys, so I know she can't get up to mischief or pick any bits of the floor and eat them...and go to unpack the shopping and check my emails....at which point my son shouts 'quick mum, the baby's eating something!' thinking there is nothing in there for her to eat, and finishing off what I was doing, despite my son's shouts, I make my way downstairs to be hit with the smell of poo half way down. My 1st thought was our cat had gone somewhere, until I remembered he wasn't in the house, and as I went through the door, there she was, diorrea smeared everywhere within reach when you are trapped in a cage, including all over her...and I think she ate some.

Thanks to the pureed food which must have gone right through her, and the cheap nappy that doesn't absorb or contain such delights, it had erupted out of the back of her nappy for her to 'play' with...suffice to say I will never accept free food or nappies again! Lesson learnt.

'I love you'....

'I love you mummy' - this is the phrase my son has taken to saying, oh, 3 or 4 times a day...
Should I be rejoicing at having a wonderfully giving, loving child? Or worrying that there is something wrong that every day he has to tell me he loves me?
What a world we live in when the simplest joys become reasons to worry!

On another note, the other half did recognise a difference to the front room, 'oh you have had a big change around...how did you manage it?'....because obviously I am a woman and I can't possibly move the odd display cabinet, music chest, and table around! And now, all my wonderful effort has become a messy room again. I swear, the biggest mess is always created when he is at home! 3 days I kept it tidy...within hours it was a bomb site!

Oh well, going to go clean it up I suppose....or should I leave it for him to do....!?

And before the day is over....

Well, I did rearrange my front room...and I have aches and pains to show for it! It was good to get it all done though, mind to say I started at 10.30am, broke off for lunch and school run, feeding the kids and getting them to bed, yes bed, I didn't get finished until gone 8pm! That was some spring clean! Hope my other half appreciates it when he gets back from his trip!

And speaking of other half's, when they say something that really gets you, but you know if you say anything they will just act as if you are mad for saying anything, should you bother in the first place?

This is my quandary....As you may have seen from my profile (if you have looked) I have been through a few traumas in my life. The latest one, we went for compensation. Now, before anyone goes mad at me, it was the 2nd time I had been placed in a life threatening situation by the same hospital, the first time we let it go, being of the mind you don't take from the nhs, but the 2nd time, well, lets just say being aware of intubation and staring at the surgeon as they prepare to cut you open kind of makes you go a little crazy... anyway, they have come back with an apology, a promise that it has been brought up at this meeting and that meeting and procedure will be changed, and a figure, which we have accepted. What got to me was the comment 'nice £££ for a little discomfort' . LITTLE DISCOMFORT?!!!!! But I said nothing...would you have? Is this a sign that,
a) I know him too well to bother with a response
b) We are 'comfortable' in our relationship
c) we are heading for divorce
d) I have given up the fight and don't care who says what to me anymore?
Anyway, it's too late to change it now.

Well, I really should head off to bed, and I do feel better for getting that off my chest.

Thanks and goodnight x

Blogging in my brain....

So, after switching the computer off last night and going to bed, I begin to blog again in my brain...1.06am...why did I switch the computer off?!!
I contemplate getting out of bed and switching it back on to get it all down, then worry that my other half will walk in in the middle of my blog and cart me off the the funny farm...'proof she is a mad woman!' would be the cries.
Not wanting to chance it, I find some paper and jot down my thoughts.....

Why is it I have a mad urge to clean my house? Seriously, I am rearranging the furniture downstairs, putting the mountain that is my sons toys stashed behind the sofa away in neat boxes, never to be played with again - ok, for months - and do a mental floor plan - one sofa hear, other there, could I get away with moving the display cabinet (which I hate but is inherited), table there, playpen there, kids toys here....on it goes. My mind is all up for it, shame my body wasn't as willing! Though I think the thing that really clinched it was it is probably not a great idea to start vacuuming the house at 1am in the morning, not good for neighbourly relations! Otherwise, I think my brain might have won the battle!

This was all started (the conversation with myself...) with the idea of talking to strangers, them asking me a question and me staring back as if they had asked me to slap them round the face with a wet fish...where does all this come from???!!

So I fight with my brain telling it to switch off, put down the pen and attempt to sleep....
The last time I looked at the clock it was 3am...then woken by my son at 4.15am, again at 5.30 am, and up for a pee at 6.35, wondering if something awful has happened to my other half due to his absence....

In he strolls through the door at 6.45am, by which time my son is wide awake and ready to play....getting no response from us trying to grab a few seconds more much needed sleep, he decides to turn the light on in the baby's room and wake her up...sigh. No good, have to get up now....

So began my day. And, when I have finished this, I am off to do my floor plan! It's gotta be done!
;)

The morning after the night before....

So, after switching off the computer and climbing into bed to sleep...my brain fills with 101 things to blog - typical!

By 2.30am I tell the voice in my head that has all the great ideas and witty remarks that never seem to come out when I am in public, that I really MUST go to sleep now...oh, but don't forget our conversation so that I can blog about it tomorrow...And what happens? I forget half...ok all of it! Why is that?

So, after having at least 6 great witty, insightful comments...I can't think of one! But, fear not, I will try for all of you out there (ok, for anyone, anyone? out there who has stumbled on a mad woman's ramblings)

Why is it (or is it just me?) that you have great conversations with yourself in your brain? But when it comes to getting things out in public, you turn into a bumbling, nothing to say, uninspiring person?

And why can't I sleep at night? I tossed and turned most of the night, half of it dreaming about my blog and what I would write (only to forget it!) and half of it wondering if it was time to get up, as then I would probably fall asleep!

Ah well, I suppose the lesson is, when the inspiration comes...BLOG! Just a shame my inspirational moments are when I am supposed to be sleeping! This will not help me get my life in order...

So, unless I have a bolt of inspiration tonight, I will post tomorrow hopefully with something more worthy!

My first blog entry

So. This is it. The place for my thoughts, feelings, things that can't be said anywhere but in obscurity and anonymity, and it feels great!

Only trouble is it has taken me 3 hours to set this thing up and I should really be in bed! Other half will not be pleased!

So, short and sweet, my 1st entry...promise they will not all be like this!

Good night world.....x