Still feeling crap

Up visiting family for the holidays. Managing to get out of bed and put on a face, most of the time. Had a big bust up in the family, got upset over it all, and wondered what is the point of trying anymore. Life is just crap. Mum isn't going to change. She blames my hubby for everything! Never mind that her hubby is the one who goes out looking for cock and calls her too fat to fancy! Nooo, my hubby should never have told me, he should have kept it to himself and told her only!!! WTF!

Feel like I am getting further and further away from them all, even to the point of thinking if anything ever went wrong with me and hubby I wouldn't want to move back here. Can' t be doing with all the hassle and this and that and who did/said what.

Mum is back with dad. Divorce off. Not moving back here though. I think she wants him to move away with her somewhere, but he won't as his work/friends/lifestyle is here. My sister is getting further away and in her own world. Still uncertain of weather she is after another man, my sister thinks she is only staying with her hubby because she couldn't cope with the kids on her own, and loves her youngest too much to leave them behind. My other sister is just coping and getting on with life, still trying to have a baby, but getting nowhere. I think they may start to think about adoption if she doesn't get any more help with ovulating etc.

We are heading back home tomorrow, had enough. Mum is staying with dad and coming back on the train. Tablets will hopefully kick in soon and I will get some motivation to get off my butt and clean the house, sort out the rubbish, and get on top of things. And as my youngest starts nursery next week, I'll have 2 1/2 hours to get things done! just hope I can make the most of it, and hope to get back to the gym. Haven't been this month :(

Right, off to switch the rubbish off tv and go to bed and try get some sleep....

And it's all change again!!!

Yep, you guessed it. Divorce is back on! Mum is staying put. Will it last?!

Went to the doc and got increase on my meds, now 40mg and waiting to see a councillor. Been 5 days now... still not getting up and for the last two nights not been getting to sleep before 3am! Haven't been to the gym for over a week now. Didn't make my Aqua fit class. Just couldn't face anything. Feeling a little better, then wonder if I really was that bad? Then can't get up or motivated again! So up and down like a roller coaster!

Well, short and brief, got to sort out a crying toddler!

Hit a rough patch

Last week, well probably for the past fortnight, I seem to have been going downhill steadily. Not wanting to go out, sleeping in as long as I can, though I have been doing that for a good month or so now...so maybe it's been longer than the last two weeks?
Still on my tablets, taking 20mg all the time now instead of going down to 10mg when it's not totm. And I don't know if it is really doing anything, or helping. Should really go see the doc again, but can't get motivated to do it. It would mean getting out of bed early...
I have been going to the gym now for a month, trying to go 3 times a week, hoping that would help lift my mood. I do get motivated to go, and have done an Aqua swim lesson, booked in again this week, so it means getting up and ready at 8am, and I can do it, so why don't I do it every morning?
Thought I was heading for a breakdown again last week, just crazy thoughts in my head, of 'I can't do this anymore' going over and over and over again, freezing and staring off thinking 'I can't move, I can't move' and really wondering if I should book myself into a phsyc ward! But then thought, no, if I am thinking that I must have some sanity! Seems to have eased off a bit, not getting those thoughts, but still wondering if they will come back worse? If that makes any sence? Not really with it.
Mum is getting ready to move back up North, off in Febuary as she can't give notice on her flat, and has to be there until the lease is up. She has given a load of her stuff to a couple who are getting married next year, going to sell a couple of bits on ebay, and the rest will got to the charity shop. I have (or will) gained a deep fat fryer, a microwave/oven and a small tv and dvd player for my sons room! Oh and a set top box. One sister is gutted because she has sold the washing machine and she wanted it! Which reminds me, I am also getting the dryer! So I haven't done too bad I suppose!
Ok, think that's my moan for this week. Off to go sort out some tea, or get a takeaway as everyone is out at Panto!