I can't decided if I sould keep this blog private, a secret from my hubby, or if I should let him know that I have a blog...where I post all my inner thoughts....
What to do?
Any ideas?
Advice?
Would it help or hinder?
Ruin or save?
Please advise....anyone....
Sunday 23 November 2008
Friday 21 November 2008
Still plodding on....
That's how it feels most days. Kids full of cold, passed it around, so we all feeling under the weather and pretty rubbish.
I have started doing Avon....Avon Calling! Trying to get a bit extra in, to pay off some bills! Sat working out our income/outgoings last month, and we don't have enough income for what are necessities never mind anything else! Here's hoping hubby gets that job offer soon with bigger pay! Even contemplating a paper round!
Couldn't sleep last night, blogging in my brain again! eventually got to sleep just after 4am, woken at 7am, and had about half an hour before little one woke... Don't feel too bad...yet (yawn!)
Everything is still 'foggy' in my brain. Can't seem to focus on doing things, or rather thinking things. In typing this, I have looked out the window and veered off into random musings...and seem to do that a lot! I have given up on getting of the pills. Decided it is better to be like this than contemplating suicide every other week, bursting into tears most days, and generally feeling worthless! At least when I do have the odd moment like this on the pills, my mind soon wanders off in another direction!!
Don't have anything funny/witty/informative to report, pretty much my life! Only news I have is our neighbour and landlord died this week. Funeral is on Monday. He battled with Cancer for 11 months. I don't know what will happen as far as we as tenants go.... so a bit up in the air with that. I was looking at taking on the little village shop and post office just up the road from where we are, but we would have to sell our home up north, and then with the economic climate, we would probably not get a mortgage big enough for it... It's a shame, it's a lovely village, nice pub over the road, 4 bedrooms above...well decorated...fallen in love with it! Oh well. Maybe if hubby wins a small fortune!
I have started doing Avon....Avon Calling! Trying to get a bit extra in, to pay off some bills! Sat working out our income/outgoings last month, and we don't have enough income for what are necessities never mind anything else! Here's hoping hubby gets that job offer soon with bigger pay! Even contemplating a paper round!
Couldn't sleep last night, blogging in my brain again! eventually got to sleep just after 4am, woken at 7am, and had about half an hour before little one woke... Don't feel too bad...yet (yawn!)
Everything is still 'foggy' in my brain. Can't seem to focus on doing things, or rather thinking things. In typing this, I have looked out the window and veered off into random musings...and seem to do that a lot! I have given up on getting of the pills. Decided it is better to be like this than contemplating suicide every other week, bursting into tears most days, and generally feeling worthless! At least when I do have the odd moment like this on the pills, my mind soon wanders off in another direction!!
Don't have anything funny/witty/informative to report, pretty much my life! Only news I have is our neighbour and landlord died this week. Funeral is on Monday. He battled with Cancer for 11 months. I don't know what will happen as far as we as tenants go.... so a bit up in the air with that. I was looking at taking on the little village shop and post office just up the road from where we are, but we would have to sell our home up north, and then with the economic climate, we would probably not get a mortgage big enough for it... It's a shame, it's a lovely village, nice pub over the road, 4 bedrooms above...well decorated...fallen in love with it! Oh well. Maybe if hubby wins a small fortune!
Monday 10 November 2008
Not too bad!
The visit was quite good actually! For the first time since the 'fallout' I felt like I wanted to move back home! Staying with MIL was actually ok, and if it wasn't for the smoke I could stay anytime! By the end of the visit, I think I was getting accustomed to it and didn't smell it as much, until I got home and the car/clothes/we wreaked! Two days later and everything is smoke free!
My sisters new man seems very nice, they are quite suited. Think he will be good for her which is what she needs after her troubles. It was great to see my nephew and niece's again, they are growing up fast! My nephew is now 9 months and walking round furniture! Seemed a bit shell shocked when we all got together...5 rowdy kids running riot! My new niece - 5 months, just smiles and giggles so much! She was fine with being passed about, and just laughed at me (is that a good thing?!) and was so happy, much like my little one was, and her older sister is a case! She made me a lovely card, bless her. I think I left it though! How bad am I :(
Saw mum, couple of days only as she went away on the Friday. She seems a lot more settled, had a nice chat with her where she admits she doesn't know/think it is going to work with her and dad, but is giving it a try. We even talked about how she would do if it didn't, and she said she would stay in grandad's flat, which was left to my dad, and he would move out, as he couldn't like there on his own, too much for him. So I am not so worried about her. She has her gripes still but then I suppose there has to be something to complain about!
As for me, I am feeling a bit more 'level', no vicious mood swings lately, though have snapped at the kids a couple of times...still waiting to come on, so that could be that, or just being overtired and stressed?! Saw the doc again about little ones rash, he says it is a viral infection that has brought out eczema, given me a different cream for her body, one for her nappy rash, a cream to use as a soap, and we have to stop using bath foam/soaps etc and some antibiotics.... So two weeks on and the rash is practically gone now on her body, still a bit on her bum but not half as bad as it was. I attempted the antibiotics, but no matter how disguised - in a drink, in ice cream, just on a spoon, and in a syringe, it just would not go down! She spat it back out! So gave up on them, and as the rash is doing ok, I won't bother. I must make a followup appointment, should have seen him last week!
Think that is all my news, apart from the near disaster with the ball gown I got for a Gala last Friday! Ordered of Ebay, size 18-20, great! Got it, tried it on - very tight, used miracle underwear, still tight but got it zipped and felt ok. So come Friday, about 2 weeks later, I get all done up, put my hair in curlers, do my makeup, put on miracle underwear etc, and come to zip up my dress.... zzzzzppppppp..... it has come apart and there is a gaping hole! ARRRGGGGHHH!
Get it off, manage to get the zip back to the bottom and in sequence and try again with hubby's help ('Hate to tell you this but this dress is too small' - his contribution!) Managed to get it up, and I am able to sit down in it! So I go with it, and pray that it doesn't gape open again half way through dinner! I sat formulating a plan for if this happened, and I came up with pinning the shawl with the rosette that came with it to close the top and drape over the hole! Ingenious! Thankfully I didn't need to resort to such measures, but I had a horrible back ache throughout dinner, think I was too corseted! Also at MIL week before I put on 2 1/2 lb so that didn't help! Oh well, it is going to my sister for new years!
My sisters new man seems very nice, they are quite suited. Think he will be good for her which is what she needs after her troubles. It was great to see my nephew and niece's again, they are growing up fast! My nephew is now 9 months and walking round furniture! Seemed a bit shell shocked when we all got together...5 rowdy kids running riot! My new niece - 5 months, just smiles and giggles so much! She was fine with being passed about, and just laughed at me (is that a good thing?!) and was so happy, much like my little one was, and her older sister is a case! She made me a lovely card, bless her. I think I left it though! How bad am I :(
Saw mum, couple of days only as she went away on the Friday. She seems a lot more settled, had a nice chat with her where she admits she doesn't know/think it is going to work with her and dad, but is giving it a try. We even talked about how she would do if it didn't, and she said she would stay in grandad's flat, which was left to my dad, and he would move out, as he couldn't like there on his own, too much for him. So I am not so worried about her. She has her gripes still but then I suppose there has to be something to complain about!
As for me, I am feeling a bit more 'level', no vicious mood swings lately, though have snapped at the kids a couple of times...still waiting to come on, so that could be that, or just being overtired and stressed?! Saw the doc again about little ones rash, he says it is a viral infection that has brought out eczema, given me a different cream for her body, one for her nappy rash, a cream to use as a soap, and we have to stop using bath foam/soaps etc and some antibiotics.... So two weeks on and the rash is practically gone now on her body, still a bit on her bum but not half as bad as it was. I attempted the antibiotics, but no matter how disguised - in a drink, in ice cream, just on a spoon, and in a syringe, it just would not go down! She spat it back out! So gave up on them, and as the rash is doing ok, I won't bother. I must make a followup appointment, should have seen him last week!
Think that is all my news, apart from the near disaster with the ball gown I got for a Gala last Friday! Ordered of Ebay, size 18-20, great! Got it, tried it on - very tight, used miracle underwear, still tight but got it zipped and felt ok. So come Friday, about 2 weeks later, I get all done up, put my hair in curlers, do my makeup, put on miracle underwear etc, and come to zip up my dress.... zzzzzppppppp..... it has come apart and there is a gaping hole! ARRRGGGGHHH!
Get it off, manage to get the zip back to the bottom and in sequence and try again with hubby's help ('Hate to tell you this but this dress is too small' - his contribution!) Managed to get it up, and I am able to sit down in it! So I go with it, and pray that it doesn't gape open again half way through dinner! I sat formulating a plan for if this happened, and I came up with pinning the shawl with the rosette that came with it to close the top and drape over the hole! Ingenious! Thankfully I didn't need to resort to such measures, but I had a horrible back ache throughout dinner, think I was too corseted! Also at MIL week before I put on 2 1/2 lb so that didn't help! Oh well, it is going to my sister for new years!
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