The school holidays began on Wednesday, only on my 3rd day....only 38 more to go! So far so good! Mind you, hubby is off for two weeks so the last two mornings he has got up and sorted them out with breakfast etc while I got a lie in! Am I fortunate or what?! Really must pull my weight though and start getting up early. Off to go get a pool later for the kids as last years has a hole in it and a rip down the side! They are down in the garden bouncing on a mini bouncy castle ring at the moment, though I think the red dye is coming off and going all over the kids! Oh well, it's all part of the fun!
I have increased my meds again, taking 2 10mg tablets until I get to see the doc sometime next week and make sure it is ok to up them again. 10mg just wasn't working. I was going downhill again and just wondered why I was trying to get off them when I clearly was a train wreak without them. Ok, so I am no saint on them, still have my moments, and they do take away a lot of stuff, go round in a bit of a haze sometimes, but that has got to be better than struggling to get out of bed and do anything at all and feeling what is the point of it all?
Seeing my councillor now, had 2 sessions, got another one next Wednesday. So far so good. feel a little stupid sometimes, as it seems that I know what I need to be doing to feel better in myself, just doing it that is a problem! And when she asks questions, I seem to go blank, my memory is sooo bad! I got a little upset last session, feeling a little worthless, which came across quite stupid as I was saying how I seemed void of all emotion! We have some great kids, and I just feel everyone says you are doing a great job, but I don't think I am, or could be, if that makes sense?
Anyway, speaking of doing a great job, I really should get them dressed and sort out some lunch!
Friday 25 July 2008
Monday 14 July 2008
Rainy days and Mondays...
Well, haven't blogged for a few weeks as I got a call saying my Grandad didn't have long to live, so rushed up to be with him. I'm glad I went when I did, as I got to see him with him knowing we went, and were there, as the next day we changed his medication which made him sleep more and be 'out of it' most of the time, as he was getting panicky with the hiccups and struggling to catch his breath. It was 'all part of the process of dying'. I sat and held his hand a few times when I was up, and felt so useless compared to my brother who was so wonderful and caring with him. I think he went up twice a day to be with him, and was with him at the end, along with my sister and mum. My dad was asleep, and I was 1o minutes too late.
A lot was said, a lot of hurt was felt, and there will always be a distance between my family now. My brother and sisters and I all held our own private 'ceremony' after the cremation on Friday, where it dutifully rained all day, up at the clock tower where my grandma wanted her ashes to be, but they never got there due to my father's wishes and his awful philandering. My brother and one sister only found this out at his death, and my brother was so distraught. He feels as though everything has been taken from him, as he really looked up to my grandad, like a father. We have agreed that we will meet up once a year on their wedding anniversary, and have a meal or just go for a drink, and remember them and their strong relationship, which is a wonderful example of true love. We also agreed that if out parents say anything about any of us, we will go to that person and check if it is true, as so many lies were told, it really was heart breaking.
My mum may be getting back together with my dad, who inherited my grandad's flat and money. She is undecided, but they are still friends, and spend a lot of time together....what a mess! She just needs to cut him out of her life and get on with hers. And he needs to crawl off into a dark pit.
My diet obviously took a nose dive, and after loosing 3lb the week before I left, in the two weeks I was away I gained 3.5lb! To be expected though, and I am back on track today! I am going to do this!
The house sale, that is not going to happen. For what we would get for it its not worth it. So we are hanging on to it ... for now. Still worried about money, but come to the conclusion so is everyone!
Well, that is all for now, must get on with tidying the mess of a house and washing the mountain of clothes!
A lot was said, a lot of hurt was felt, and there will always be a distance between my family now. My brother and sisters and I all held our own private 'ceremony' after the cremation on Friday, where it dutifully rained all day, up at the clock tower where my grandma wanted her ashes to be, but they never got there due to my father's wishes and his awful philandering. My brother and one sister only found this out at his death, and my brother was so distraught. He feels as though everything has been taken from him, as he really looked up to my grandad, like a father. We have agreed that we will meet up once a year on their wedding anniversary, and have a meal or just go for a drink, and remember them and their strong relationship, which is a wonderful example of true love. We also agreed that if out parents say anything about any of us, we will go to that person and check if it is true, as so many lies were told, it really was heart breaking.
My mum may be getting back together with my dad, who inherited my grandad's flat and money. She is undecided, but they are still friends, and spend a lot of time together....what a mess! She just needs to cut him out of her life and get on with hers. And he needs to crawl off into a dark pit.
My diet obviously took a nose dive, and after loosing 3lb the week before I left, in the two weeks I was away I gained 3.5lb! To be expected though, and I am back on track today! I am going to do this!
The house sale, that is not going to happen. For what we would get for it its not worth it. So we are hanging on to it ... for now. Still worried about money, but come to the conclusion so is everyone!
Well, that is all for now, must get on with tidying the mess of a house and washing the mountain of clothes!
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