Bad night

Feeling down.
Wondering if I can keep fighting.
Is it worth the fight?
Can go from doing so well to him saying something and it comes crashing down....why?
Why do I react this way? Why does it hurt so much?
Why is it all so hard ...
Should be in bed... got to get up early in the morning...but just don't think I can sleep. ... . trying to get these thoughts out of my head so I can go to bed and get some sleep....
Just want to scream, and cry. Can't even blame pmt! unless that is starting two weeks early now....oh damn it all!
Feel like I am losing a battle...and it's a battle I am not even sure I want to fight anymore.
Hubby says I am being a drama queen like my mum, after attention. Ha! If I was after attention I would walk out on everything....calls me mellow dramatic. We were out as a family just after new year when I told him how low I was, and we were at the beach, and I was looking out to sea, thinking about just walking into it, leaving it all behind. He came over and asked what I was thinking...I said truthfully? He said yes, so I told him. He said he knew that, but thought I was being OTT. I thought we were getting somewhere, seems I was wrong. I had a week, possibly two, where he was more attentive, did the ironing and helped with getting stuff cleaned up, and rang from work to check I was ok, then BAM, as soon as I am 'ok' it all stops and is back to normal. I am forgotten. It is forgotten.
'Who is looking after you?' - That is what my councilor asked. WHO? There is no one. Only me. Just me.... and who is 'me'?