Better day....

After yesterdays rant feel a lot better today. It does help to get it off your chest, even if no one ever sees it! And I am not feeling so ill either which helps.

Been blogging in my brain again at night, and came to the conclusion that I now call my little chats with myself, blogging! Great Eh? Or am I really as mad as that sounds?!

I think I must be someone who craves attention, but I am to scared to say 'HEY Look at ME!', or are we all like that deep down? We do everything for everyone else, and help everyone but when we need the help we don't speak up....

Anyway, I am waffling on about silly rubbish that no one ever gets to see...why do I do it? Answer, because it does help, just a little, to know that maybe one day I will look back on it and realise where I went wrong, or right, and maybe, just maybe someone will start to read my blog and not feel alone....

Ok, enough said, off to make bread....

Why is it.....?

My other half can make me feel so crap sometimes? I am full of flu, and asked him if he could get home early so that I could go to bed...not a problem he said. Come 6.30pm I decide enough is enough and ring to see where he is...snowed under at work 'but I will come home now'...oh thank you for putting yourself out....! After getting the youngest into bed and sorting out my sons tea as he walks in, I go to bed, only for my son to wake the baby an hour later. I feel too ill to even pick her out of the cot so give her her dummy and leave her for her father, feeling guilty. 2 hours later I hear my other half at work on the computer while the baby grumbles away in her cot...for at least 20 mins. I try to ignore it and turn over, but when I realise she is still crying, I get up to suggest she might want some milk...to find he is no longer at the computer and she is all alone in her cot.

I take her downstairs, and say I think she might want some milk and she has been crying for half an hour....'don't lie, I have only just put her down 3 minutes ago! She has been down here with me!' I pass her over and come back to bed, wondering if I am going mad (probably hallucinating or something with a temperature) and feeling like I am always wrong and maybe I should just leave.

Contemplate going to my mums with the kids, as obviously he can't handle me being sick, work and the kids, so maybe I should make it easier for him? I want to cry but I can't. Think the meds are working....

Is it only me....

Or do you have dreams that effect your whole day?

The other night I had an awful dream that seemed so real involving my other half, telling me I was too fat and unattractive and that he was going out to find someone else to sleep with...I woke in the night after this dream and even though I knew it was a dream I physically moved away from him in bed and felt so mad at him! Why is that? I have a few like that, where I get mad at him in my dreams and wake up mad with him in real life and can be cold towards him, yet I know it is nothing he has done. Why are we like this...or is it just crazy old me?

We are all ill now :( Little ones coughing like troopers and don't know what to do with themselves, and we feel like we have been in a boxing match and have a sore throat to boot. My sister is down and had a sick bug yesterday too, so we are all in a sorry state!

One gets better....

And the other gets ill! Now my son is full of cold and fever, just as my baby is finally, it seems, over her sick 'bug'. Poor boy had some bad dreams last night and ended up in our bed. And I woke with a stonking headache, think it is follow-on from Saturday night/Sunday morning migraine...

Not got any other really exciting news, keep thinking of things to blog when I go to bed again, and then forget them in the morning! Typical!

I have been thinking a bit more about my baby's birth, as she will be 1 in about 4 weeks, and I wonder how it will hit me. Remembering what I went through? I suppose I will just have to see when I get there...

Two days down...

And no sick!! YAY! Diorea seems to have gone too. Maybe the end is in sight! Tomorrow we try food again (bar the odd crust and chocolate other half decided she should eat!) so we shall see!

Have you ever tried to get a urine sample from an 11month old girl?! That has been my task tonight, to send in 1st thing in the morning for the doctor to rule out any urine infection that might be causing the sickness. I have tried:

• Sitting on a potty...this only works if they are older and don't almost fall into the thing, and scream to get off.
• sitting on my knee...does not work as by the time the wee had seeped through my trousers and I realised it was too late to hold her over the potty.
• hovering over a potty...also a no no as your arms give out and the baby wriggles to get free.
• snuggling baby, with hand on bum....this works! unlike the sitting on the knee business, you feel the wee straight away and can hold over the potty which is in position to catch the wee!

So there we have it, just got to try get it in the small pot now ready for tomorrow.....

I spoke too soon.....

My little one was sick this morning :( So I am back off to see the doctor at 3.30 this afternoon (earliest I could get! AND I was on the phone at 9am!!) and try to get them to take this seriously....or am I overreacting? A baby can't be sick and have diorea when there is actually anything in there to come out, for a week - and it just be a 'bug'?

I am being seen too as I seem to have damaged my eye somehow and now half of it is blood red! After reading up on it (as you do!) I am probably just going to be told to rest with my head elevated to drain the blood....How exactly do I do this with a baby who is sick and a 4 yr old who has the energy of a puma?! Oh well, at least it's the weekend tomorrow!

Thankfully my little lady seems to be over her sick bug...Tuesday night was the last bought. She has had 'solids' for the first time tonight and was very pleased to be back to normal!

My sisters scan went well too, so I had no reason to worry on that front either!

My son seems to have the ability to stay awake from 7.30am until 10pm...without any naps! Where does he get all of his energy from? I am sure they must give them something at school just before they leave to make them hyper! Revenge for having them for 3 hours a day!

Went on a shopping spree this afternoon...bought myself a new coat (a need) and a necklace (a want) for a 'do' next Friday, plus Xmas pressies for nearly everyone, almost got it covered...only 3 more to get...I think, no 4, forgot mother-in-law! Thoroughly enjoyed it, but would have enjoyed it more without the kids!

I have also decided I am going to join weight watchers....really need to sort out my weight! So I may be posting more about dribble just so I don't eat as it occupies my hands! Off to find out where to join...

Never underestimate a sickness bug.....

Yesterday was a better day. She managed to keep down her milk, with gaviscon in. This morning she had a bottle without it in and as she was doing well I thought I would try her on a little apricot custard...bluugggghhh, it all came back with curdled milk....in MacDonalds of all places! Teach me for trying to get out of the house with a sick baby!

Shopping put on hold for the day, home and another bath later, after lots of sleep she has had a little dyralite with gaviscon, ate a piece of crust left by my son and a smidge of cheese...only because she practically grabbed it out of his mouth! Yesterday she wouldn't even entertain trying a crust, so hopefully she is feeling a little better in herself. My little man had his booster jabs today too, so other half took him and got some more dyralite and gaviscon as we have run out. He was falling asleep at tea time, but is now full of life and having a bath before bed...hopefully to sleep! I need some time on my own!!!

Trial and tribulations...

My poorly baby is still sick, bless her. Rang the emergency doctor as I was getting worried she might be getting dehydrated as she has started to refuse even the water/dyralite now. Went to see them, and they have given me a prescription for infant gaviscon powders. After getting to the chemist near us that shut at 7pm at 2 minutes to 7 and them walking out the door saying the pharmacist had already gone home, I had to go to tesco's pharmacy. So an hour later after giving her the made up gaviscon she only had a quarter, so I put some milk formula with the rest, as it did say to add it to the usual bottle of milk, to see if she would drink more. Half a bottle later she throws it all back up over us both. Quick bath down for her and me, and then I sat with her on the sofa for an hour to settle and let her sleep on me. Just brought her up to bed. Hopefully she will fare better tomorrow or it's back to the doc we go!

On another note, the 'do' I was meant to be at last night was a 'poor do' according to my other half. This was at 1am when he bounded up the stairs, switched on the bedroom light, bashed me on the arm and told me to 'get up!' and dragged me downstairs....'What have I done now?' I thought....as usually when he comes home worse for wear he gets either argumentative and verbally vicious or morose...He wanted a dance....1am, I had just dropped off after a tough day, and HE wants to dance! I suppose I should be grateful though, he said he had really missed me not being there and really wanted a dance with me and to tell me he loved me as he 'doesn't say it enough.' aawwwwww....

The joys of motherhood

Why is it when you arrange to go out, organise babysitters, get a new glam outfit complete with shoes, splash out on makeup as you only ever use it when you go out and you can't remember when the last time that was, spend 3 mornings rubbing in moisturiser with a hint of tan onto your Lilly white legs, something goes wrong...

My poor baby girl is ill. It started yesterday, sickness and diorea bug, and a rash on one cheek. Saw the doctor who said it is that time of year and he had seen 3 cases of it already that morning, and to just give her fluids with dirolite, and gave some cream for her face. Didn't do too bad through the day, she slept quite a bit and sipped water. Worried she wasn't getting enough I put some juice in with it to make it taste better (had dirolite sachet in to keep her strength up) and she drank the lot...only to throw it all back up all over me and herself and our sofa. Thank goodness for leather! After changing us both, she fell asleep, and an hour later I hear the splat of sick on the stairs...now my son has it....Have you ever tired to clean stairs?! I can still smell the sick after scrubbing, dusting and washing with the Henry carpet washer...think it is ingrained...

He is fine this morning, but my little girl is still not well. I gave her a drop of milk to see if it would stay down, after spending a restless night with her up and down and retching nothingness up at 2am. It stayed! So 2 hours later I made some more for her, much to her delight, and only for her to throw it up no sooner than she had finished...curdled all over her and the sofa. 3rd change of clothes later, after a diorea leak, and she decides to share a bit more, on my bed. So I am now on my 4th load of washing sick clothes and bed linen, and trying to get all this done when I manage to get her to sleep for 30 minutes in between clinging crys. I feel so bad for her.
So much for my night out!

Scary!

This is the email my kind brother passed on to me. My 1st reaction was to laugh and think of the reply, 'when did you get mum to pose for that?!' when it hit me...that could be me now...

Ok, maybe my ass is not that big yet (or am I being kind to myself?) but the rest...yep pretty much me. Anyone got a cure for comfort eating? Anyone? Hoping the happy pills would stop my evening munchies...hhhmmmmmm...nope not happened yet...

So, will have to get off my big butt and start going on my exercise thingy (bit like a bike but with no seat...I wish it had a seat...) again and try fight the munchie monster. Easier said than done, especially on dark cold nights with no other half to keep me in check...though he does like tubs of pringles and bottles of wine on an evening...