AAAAARRRRRRHHHHHGGGGGG!
If doing that out loud all day would help, right now I would do it. but it won't, it would just get me carted off to an asylum! I seriously wonder if I am slowly going insane...
My mum is now not going to get divorced...arggghhh! They are going to give it time to see what happens, he says he wants no one else, is selling the flat and giving her half, and will eventually move down here as she is settled here. Urgh!!!
Hubby got drunk last night at a friends, called me at midnight to ask me to go pick him up, so after getting ready and standing deciding how I was going to get 2 kids into the car whilst one was asleep, I get another call 5 mins later, saying ignore the last message, I will be home in 10 mins... So go back to bed...10 mins later, no sign, so call....ring ring ring...no answer.... this goes on for an hour, and I figure he must be walking home....or is in a ditch somewhere. I am soo tired that I fall asleep on and off, and then decide if he doesn't answer when I call at 2.40am I am going to call the police....Where is he....outside, asleep, in his car!!!!! ARGH!!!! Seen the car this morning, as I got nothing out of him last night, except to say I had to take the kids to school, and he has scraped the back corner bumper, and there is sand on the front bumper and grill.... I drove his route to see if I could figure out what has happened, but can't see any sand... think he is stirring...so should find out now....
I think I am going to have a breakdown soon! My head just can't cope, I can't get motivated, I feel so tired all the time....I just feel crap...
Friday 27 March 2009
Tuesday 24 March 2009
Quick update before tea...
Feeling a bit numb/blue/exhausted at the mo. Seem to want to just sleep, do nothing, dream.
Mum is hopefully going to divorce. He is such a selfish bastard. Told my sister he doesn't love her, hasn't for a long time, but is with her to get her income support benefit! He has been on a 'date' last weekend, told her all about it, they had a kiss and cuddle but nothing more...she is lesbian!!! HAHA! How twisted is life!
My sister is getting more and more down, going to see the doc about help. About time, I say, though she missed an appointment just over a week ago. Silly girl! Hope she goes and gets her head sorted! She said it is no wonder we are so messed up as kids with the parents we have, a mother who put her husband first even before us, so that they would have something when we all flew the nest, only to be left the way she is, with half her kids resenting her...pretty sad really.
My other sister is moving into the top flat with her partner...hurrah! We will have some money coming in at last! She is doing well, losing weight, sorting out her diabetes so they can have a baby...just wish she would wait until she was totally sorted and in the 'right place' before they tried and failed and end up miserable every month...
Well, off to make my tea...though I just want to curl up and go to sleep! My diet is going down the pan, put on half a stone this past month...just the way I am at the mo...need to get back on track...but can't seem to....
Mum is hopefully going to divorce. He is such a selfish bastard. Told my sister he doesn't love her, hasn't for a long time, but is with her to get her income support benefit! He has been on a 'date' last weekend, told her all about it, they had a kiss and cuddle but nothing more...she is lesbian!!! HAHA! How twisted is life!
My sister is getting more and more down, going to see the doc about help. About time, I say, though she missed an appointment just over a week ago. Silly girl! Hope she goes and gets her head sorted! She said it is no wonder we are so messed up as kids with the parents we have, a mother who put her husband first even before us, so that they would have something when we all flew the nest, only to be left the way she is, with half her kids resenting her...pretty sad really.
My other sister is moving into the top flat with her partner...hurrah! We will have some money coming in at last! She is doing well, losing weight, sorting out her diabetes so they can have a baby...just wish she would wait until she was totally sorted and in the 'right place' before they tried and failed and end up miserable every month...
Well, off to make my tea...though I just want to curl up and go to sleep! My diet is going down the pan, put on half a stone this past month...just the way I am at the mo...need to get back on track...but can't seem to....
Sunday 15 March 2009
Unmentionables
The unmentionable disease has kicked in again, feel crap, and depressed. Wondering if it is all worth it again :(
Lied in bed most of the day, except to get up and make everybody lunch, surfed the web a bit, watched tv a bit, and slept. Got to thinking about all the 'unmentionable' things I don't put down here, and wondering why not?
Why can't I say it, herpes...there. I did. I have only ever been with one man, and still got an sti, how crap is that?!
My dad prefers to mess about with men, another unmentionable, or did I already say that? And how he said he had got my hubby off in a park loo before we met? How sick is that! No wonder I don't want anything to do with him!
I was raped. Another unmentionable. Just over a year ago now. Seems time doesn't always heal as I have been thinking more about it these last few months, though cutting it off before really going into it too deep.
There, my unmentionables are now out in the open....
Lied in bed most of the day, except to get up and make everybody lunch, surfed the web a bit, watched tv a bit, and slept. Got to thinking about all the 'unmentionable' things I don't put down here, and wondering why not?
Why can't I say it, herpes...there. I did. I have only ever been with one man, and still got an sti, how crap is that?!
My dad prefers to mess about with men, another unmentionable, or did I already say that? And how he said he had got my hubby off in a park loo before we met? How sick is that! No wonder I don't want anything to do with him!
I was raped. Another unmentionable. Just over a year ago now. Seems time doesn't always heal as I have been thinking more about it these last few months, though cutting it off before really going into it too deep.
There, my unmentionables are now out in the open....
Monday 2 March 2009
Not much happening...
Still got the stupid tickle in my throat and wake up sounding like a different person! Getting a little better these last few days so hope it could be the end...
The watch, I finally got to ask mum, and it wasn't my grandads! phew! She is settling in very well, has everything in now, the bed came over a week early, and the fridge freezer got mucked up for a week so was late! Feels quite like home now. Jack is going to stay over on Friday night!
Went to a wedding at the weekend, and managed to look half decent! For the first time I can remember my hubby said I looked lovely! Kids were so well behaved too, compared to the 7 bridesmaids and 3 Paige boys who ran amok during the ceremony! Made us realise how well they behave!
Jack was 6 on Sunday, and we went to Southend beach fair ground with 4 of his friends. Again, realised how well behaved ours are and made me glad to only have 2!
Not much else happening, still strapped for cash, nothing new, and still no tenants in top flat. Looking at getting cheap furniture in and letting it as a holiday let. Will work out well for us for when we want to go up to visit, just need to get some cash together to do it up, decorate and furnish it!
Well, not much else going on, so not much to report!
The watch, I finally got to ask mum, and it wasn't my grandads! phew! She is settling in very well, has everything in now, the bed came over a week early, and the fridge freezer got mucked up for a week so was late! Feels quite like home now. Jack is going to stay over on Friday night!
Went to a wedding at the weekend, and managed to look half decent! For the first time I can remember my hubby said I looked lovely! Kids were so well behaved too, compared to the 7 bridesmaids and 3 Paige boys who ran amok during the ceremony! Made us realise how well they behave!
Jack was 6 on Sunday, and we went to Southend beach fair ground with 4 of his friends. Again, realised how well behaved ours are and made me glad to only have 2!
Not much else happening, still strapped for cash, nothing new, and still no tenants in top flat. Looking at getting cheap furniture in and letting it as a holiday let. Will work out well for us for when we want to go up to visit, just need to get some cash together to do it up, decorate and furnish it!
Well, not much else going on, so not much to report!
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